By Chloe Yelena Miller
She’ll research her child’s symptoms on WebMD. When she learns that he might have a cold, she will need to order tissues with lotion to protect his nose and maybe a weighted blanket, too.
Since the tissues won’t arrive until Tuesday, she’ll have to go to the bathroom to get him toilet paper. When she finds her child throwing up in there, she’ll rush back to the laptop to look up this new symptom.
When she finds out he likely has a very rare virus that paralyzes children, she’ll need to log into a parenting Facebook group where she’ll list his symptoms.
When someone responds by writing about a kid whose nose was stuffy before throwing up, she’ll learn that the child’s arm fell off, too! After that, she will need to log into Twitter to announce to her 5,469 closest friends that her child will soon be paralyzed and his arm will fall off. She’ll have to be honest and add, “This has been very hard on me.”
Since someone questioned whether she vaccinated her child against anything at all and she did vaccinate her child, she’ll learn that he will soon lose his hair and never go through puberty.
With this new information, she’ll need to log into Amazon again and order some protective shampoo for balding men and peanut butter, to protect against allergies and promote puberty. When she does this, she’ll remember that she wanted to set up a subscription service. And download the Whole Foods app. Oh! And she can’t forget to log into Amazon Smile to help kids at the Children’s Hospital whose parents can’t be with them.
When she receives a private Twitter message warning that her child probably caught this illness from an illegal immigrant in a detention center 2,000 miles away, she’ll panic. The murderers! She’ll wonder if that’s what Hillary’s emails were about.
When the phone rings from a local number, she’ll answer it and find out it is her mother, a pediatrician. Her mother will tell her that her child needs to drink some fluids and take a nap with the humidifier on.
With that information and without deleting her posts, she’ll decide her kid is fine – her mother always exaggerates, so it can’t be true that he needs fluid and a nap with the humidifier on. To distract herself, she’ll have to call the neighbor for a playdate. Isn’t her son calling out for her because he wants to play with someone?
When that playdate kid sneezes, she’ll need to open up her laptop to research the symptoms.
About the Author
Chloe Yelena Miller lives in Washington, D.C., with her husband and their child. Her poetry chapbook Unrest was published by Finishing Line Press. Chloe teaches writing at the University of Maryland University College and Politics & Prose Bookstore in Washington, D.C., as well as privately. Follow her: chloeyelenamiller.com / @ChloeYMiller