Spring has sprung, and so have your cupboard doors… must be from all that junk you’re holding onto that rightly belongs in the “JOY NOT SPARKED” pile. Looks like it’s time for spring cleaning!
How spring cleaning is even a thing is completely beyond me. Cleaning in general never seems to fucking end, so when did we decide that hey, on top of all that shit you seem to be doing, how about you do some other shit too?
Spring is known for rebirth and new beginnings. I guess that’s why people see it as a good time to sort their shit and start fresh with a blank slate. Nothing goes better with the sound of newborn chirping birds like the harried screams of a tired mother shout-hollering to her preteen to open a fucking window because it smells like a decrepit tennis shoe farted out a heap of compost. Mmm, so fresh and so clean, clean!
From the depths of your closets to the outskirts of your yard, ’tis the season to get your poop in a group like a proper organized functional human adult. But since you’re likely to take a few internet breaks, here’s a list of tweets that’ll help you get your cackle on while you’re tossing toys.
1. Productivity is essential
2. Unless all this drama ends up with a cleaner happy ending then IDGAF
Woke up to a note – "Mom, stop throwing out our toys. I will clean toy room. You're throwing out our memories."
Damn writer gene.
— Julie Burton (@ksujulie) September 30, 2014
3. If you miss a year, it’s cool, nothing’s going anywhere
I still haven't done my spring cleaning from 2007.
— Housewife of Hell (@HousewifeOfHell) May 1, 2018
4. Spring cleaning… it’s the gift that keeps on giving
Did a bunch of spring cleaning and now I’m the proud new owner of another box of random cords.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) April 15, 2018
5. It’s important that you pace yourself
I'm going to spring clean!
I think some dust flew out. That's probably good enough.
— The 21st Century SAHM (@21stcenturysahm) March 28, 2016
6. Maintaining your… yard… is important
Spring reminder: When saying, "Just trimming my bush!" one should clarify that they're doing yard work.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) April 27, 2013
7. It’s like trying to race a bomb fuse
My idea of spring cleaning is trying to clean one room before my kids trash the rest of the house.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) April 4, 2015
8. EVERYTHING MUST GO!
My idea of spring cleaning is throwing away everything I can get my hands on. Hubs and kids are sleeping with one eye open. As they should.
— Housewife of Hell (@HousewifeOfHell) April 18, 2016
9. Always do your part
The key to spring cleaning is to put your stuff at the top of all the piles so it looks like your are throwing a lot of stuff away.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) April 8, 2018
10. I mean, nobody can do it all
RT if you’re pumped to do some Spring Cleaning followed by a little Spring “Fuck It, No One Ever Looks In This Closet”-ing.
— The Dad (@thedad) March 16, 2018
11. My vote’s for leaving
That feeling when you don’t know if you should get started on your spring landscaping or just leave the country.
— The Mom at Law (@TheMomAtLaw) April 7, 2018
12. This might be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Hello Spring ant army. I see my children lured you in with their scraps and crumbs
— Healthy Living for Hot Messes (@HLFHM) May 18, 2018
13. WE NEED IT IN CASE WE HAVE COMPANY
Spring cleaning: When we throw out family heirlooms, but keep 36 different kinds of tea
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) April 8, 2018
14. Multi-tasking is always appreciated
Combine Spring Training with Spring Cleaning by opening a window and cranking clutter out of your house with a baseball bat.
— Domestic Goddess (@DomesticGoddss) April 26, 2015
15. It’s never too early to roast your mother
Doing some spring cleaning and told my 3 y/o that we are getting rid of things that we don't use anymore. "Like these?" he says, pointing to my eight pound weights in the closet. pic.twitter.com/XIkAGeH4B1
— Becca Carnahan (@with_love_becca) March 25, 2018
16. Spring thawing is full of old treasures
Spring is near. The yard is greening up. Pops of yellow appear in the form of my dog's tennis balls.
— Mary (@AnniemuMary) April 13, 2018
17. Ok, maybe not all of it is treasure…
All the snow has melted and we are starting to see the first signs of spring: dog shit everywhere.
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) March 8, 2016
18. OK, but this yard work ain’t gonna do itself sooo
Spring is near! Tis the season to start nagging your husband about yard work
— Meredith (@PerfectPending) March 16, 2015
Spring cleaning – because what the hell, I’m sure your place is probably trashed!
Make sure you share this with all your funny friends because hey, I’m sure they have spring cleaning they’re avoiding too.