We all know a Karen, Janet, or Susan in the parenting world. Whether they actually go by Karen, Janet, or Susan is a different story. They’re the ultimate sanctimommies, the holier than thou, the “Can I speak to your manager?” and the “My kid would never act like that” shitgibbons of parents.
“So, what’s with the first names? My name is Karen and I’m awesome!” Funny parent jokesters of the internet felt the need to give uppity ‘rents they observe in the world an alias, and certain names just stuck, but if you’re feeling angsty about your name being the butt of everyone’s jokes, stay tuned because there’s a meme for you in this roundup.
Without further ado, I present to you 12 memes from the funny parents of the internet about the Karens and Janets of the world. Except for you, Karen; we know you’re one of the cool ones.
1. Earn your stripes
Raising kids is a walk in the park before they’re able to throw themselves on the ground in the middle of the grocery store because you won’t buy them Pop Tarts. Talk to me once they’re two, mmkay?
2. What is life?
Thanks for the super helpful mantra. I don’t think it will remove the pink eye I can feel developing as we speak after my child bung-blasted me during a diaper change.
3. Abide by the gotdamned rules
Listen, there’s a difference between venting and asking for advice. If my rant doesn’t have a question mark after, all I need from you is to throw me a bottle of wine, a couple of ice cream sandwiches, and take my shrieking banshee of a child away from me for a sec during their 3 am feeding.
4. Bish, please…
New moms don’t need to see your crisp, white bullshit. I want to see throw-up in your hair, your eyes dead with defeat, your battered nipples leaking breastmilk through your shirt, your child smearing feces into your stupid faux fur rug. Quit sugarcoating the fact that motherhood is a literal shit show.
5. That fucking Laura
Give poor Carol and Susan a break. We all know the real culprit is Laura.
6. I got new rules, I count ’em
Just admit it, Susan, you know you want to.
7. Just stop
I know. I know, I know, I know. I know I will miss moments. There will also be moments I will not miss. You making me feel guilty and ashamed when I’m going through some tough shit as a new mom is one of those moments.
8. Get to the point!
Do I want to sit around and enjoy 5 minutes of shooting the shit with a fellow adult? Absolutely! But in public while my child is burying their face in my crotch and the other is bee-lining it for the bin of razor blades is not the right time.
9. Screw you, Carl
Dads can be Susans, too.
10. Own that shit
Sick burn, Beverly. You’re not telling us anything new.
11. Have kids, they said
Little known fact, Rage Against the Machine was actually founded by a pissed off mom clutching the steering wheel as she screamed every single curse word known to man at the parent in front of her who had to give her kid no fewer than 20 kisses and a solid recap of how her child’s day went before loading them into the minivan.
Okay, maybe we’ve all been a little harsh on the Karens and Susans. Janet, it’s your turn to get lit up.
These memes aren’t about anyone by any certain name at all. They’re about parental d-bags who like to dole out unwanted advice and prance around like this parenting thing is easy. Just because you’re not having a hard time doesn’t mean that others aren’t struggling, so when it comes to parenthood, if you don’t have anything bad to say, just drink your stupid kombucha and let us live.
Sharing is caring! If you enjoyed this roundup, brighten a friend’s day by breaking up their news feed with some real talk.