Recently, the My Alliance with Science Facebook page posted some images of whales gettin’ freaky, and it didn’t take long for the internet to do what it does best — and that is to make one giant stream of dick jokes. As one does.
The images, which depict — there’s no polite way to say this — whale boners flopping about the sea, were also accompanied by a rather educational caption. Take a look:
‘Soooo, just learned something. Apparently back in the early days of exploration many travelers would simply draw what they found/saw since the means to study, photograph, further explore it didn’t exist yet. Well this is where many of our deep sea monster stories come from,because as it turns out many of these drawings may have depicted large tentacled and alienesque appendages emerging from the water giving belief to something larger and more sinister lurking beneath…. however in many cases it was really just whale dicks. Whales often mate in threes so while one male was busy with the female the other male just pops his dick out of the water while swimming around waiting his turn.
There. That’s a thing you know now.’
So the Loch Ness monster was really just a fish phallus? The more you know.
Naturally, people couldn’t help themselves and dove deep into the comments, really penetrating onlookers with a eyeful of sploogtastic comedy. Here, a little peep show of some of our favorites, to be read to the tune of Marvin Gaye’s ‘Let’s Get It On,’ of course:
When you think you’re learning, but really it’s just another unsolicited dick pic. Smh.
Old timey sailor: “Woh! It’s a sea monster!” Whale: “That’s what she said”
Cool info. Wtf is this guy doing?!
So it’s Cockness monster then?
Moby Dick makes so much sense now
They really know how to “free willy”
Explains the expression “having a whale of a time”!
I wondered why the ocean is salty
We are going to need a bigger…….boat
Imagine this on ancient maps…here there be dicks
How does one become a whale “fluffer?”
You’re whalecum for the information! *tips hat*
Well. I’m done learning, anything, ever, again.
So would you call this a wet willy… or?
It all makes sense now lol
Science, folks. Really sticking it to us hard.
In all seriousness, I don’t know whether to find this humorous or horrifying. But I do know that it’s like a car wreck. I want to avert my eyes, but no matter how hard I try, I can’t help but to gawk. And now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll just be over here doing this for eternity:
Still want more? Of course you do, you sicko. Check out the original post and the full comment thread below, and don’t worry. Your secret is safe with us.