By Morgan Starr of Rookie Mommy Raising Boys

If you’re in the vicinity of a pregnant woman and are having a hard time coming up with conversation, here are 10 great conversation starters.

1. You’re huge. Are you sure you’re not having twins? If a woman’s belly looks larger than you think it should, there is definitely something funny going on. Probably twins. Even if the woman carrying the baby (ahem, babIES) thinks there’s only one and claims she’s seen multiple ultrasounds, the other baby was probably just hiding somewhere in there. It’s your job to wake her up to reality before she gets a huge, double-baby surprise on delivery day.

2. You’re tiny. Are you sure there’s a baby in there? It’s important to double check. And if the woman says yes, you should then begin questioning her daily calorie intake and tell her to start keeping a food diary and showing it to you regularly. You were the perfect size while pregnant so you would know what’s best.

3. You’re pregnant AGAIN? Some women just seem to keep having babies right in a row. Have they lost their minds? It’s only right for you to wake them up to the reality that they JUST had a baby. You should also bestow some medical advice on why it’s important to wait a while and, since you waited the perfect amount of time, you would know.

4. It took you long enough to have another. Other women wait TOO long to have another baby, and that’s bad too, but for different reasons (even if you’re not sure what they are). They really should’ve asked you for your advice so you should definitely give it to them. (You also probably know a lot about trying to conceive… too bad they didn’t call you five years ago.)

5. Do I need to have a talk with you about where babies come from? Really, some women might just not know. I mean, if they’ve had two kids in a row (or more!!!), it seems like something must be up. They could’ve failed health class the year Sex Ed was taught. You never know. It could be life changing for you to sit her down and teach her the birds and the bees at this point.

6. Was this planned? This is a great question for a few reasons. First, it’s really important to know the personal information of other people’s relationships and especially their sex lives. Second, you will be able to share this news with others. Third, you can give them advice for the future because you are the queen of planned pregnancy (at the exact perfect time apart).

7. You’re hoping it’s a (specific gender), right? Obviously everyone wants one boy and one girl so it’s your duty to ensure that the pregnant woman hasn’t lost her mind and is hoping for something insane like all boys or all girls. It’s imperative that the balance of males and females in the world is upheld so hoping for the child to be one gender over the other makes a huge difference in what the child will actually be.

8. When are you having another? Most pregnant women are already planning the next child and aren’t too worried about making it through this pregnancy, or labor and delivery, or lots of sleepless nights ahead with the child they’re currently carrying. They’ve probably already named the NEXT kid so this is not only good conversation, but a good time for you to bring up the “perfect space between children” thing you know so well.

9. Are you going to get fixed after this one? Referring to someone’s reproductive system the same way a dog or a cat is referenced is smart because it will get them thinking about how often they’re reproducing (you know how cats are). It’s also imperative because some people JUST KEEP HAVING KIDS and you need to put a stop to it.

10. Where are you going to put all of these kids? It’s essential to make a woman panic about the size of her house and car before the baby comes. That way, she can start worrying about money and finances too. This is realistic. She may not have thought about it if you hadn’t brought it up.

So the next time you run into a pregnant woman, try to fit most, if not all, of these questions into the conversation. And if you’re not sure whether she’s expecting, remember that it’s always OK to ask and is never offensive.

(This post was originally published on Rookie Mommy Raising Boys.)

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About the Author

Morgan Starr is a mom of all boys who seems to JUST KEEP HAVING KIDS. Her favorite pastimes include playing Legos, breaking up wrestling matches, and chasing toddlers through grocery stores. When she isn’t busy doing that, she teaches high school English and writes at her blog, Rookie Mommy Raising Boys. You can find her talking about all of the crazy things her kids say and do on Facebook and on Twitter.