1. You haven’t a clue what developmental milestone your youngest is at. In fact, all those books that tell you about developmental milestones have been destroyed by one rampaging toddler or another. Except for the one that is propping up the uneven leg of the coffee table.
2. You call the doctor to tell him that the toddler has croup, and he asks if she’s ever had it before, and you say, “I don’t know, but somebody has.” Ignore the lengthy silence that greets this statement. Some people just can’t handle the truth.
3. You don’t remember who hates which food. You’ve considered making some sort of visual aid that will help you separate the egg-haters from the vegetarians, but you’ve decided that that would be too much trouble.
4. You don’t bother with logical consequences because you’re too sleep-deprived to come up with that sort of thing. Also, the kids don’t notice.
5. You use candy as a motivational tool. Because hey, it works.
6. You see a book titled “Siblings Without Rivalry” and break into hysterical laughter in the bookstore. Someone has to slap you to get you to stop.
7. Going to the grocery store alone counts as “me-time.” Pick a nice large one you can get lost in. I favor Wegmans. Or Costco.
8. Birthday cake gets boring. Seriously, again? Also, half the kids at any one time hate (HATE) frosting, but they keep switching that around to confuse you.
9. Your teenage daughter threatens to leave home, and all you can do is start dreaming about what you would do with the freed-up closet space.
10. You and your spouse are way too tired to fight. TOO TIRED. (See? Having lots of kids is good for a marriage.)