Let's not stifle the voice of the strong-willed child. Instead, let's celebrate it. Let's allow them to sing.
Parenting

The Song of a Strong-Willed Child

Let's not stifle the voice of the strong-willed child. Instead, let's celebrate it. Let's allow them to sing.

By Audrey Sanchez of Two Dogs, One Cat, and a Baby

“I dood it!” (I’ll do it)

According to my mother, that was my first (and most frequently used) sentence. Twenty-eight years later and little has changed. Aren’t we all, to some degree, still our most spirited toddler selves? What was true then is still so today. I want to be the one to get shit done. I want to get my hands dirty, solve the problems, take charge and do it my way.

“I dood it” is my rally cry. It’s me owning the parts of myself that the rest of the world would rather see stifled. The parts of myself the world prefers to keep small.

Despite what the critics (read: insecure) might assert, it’s not about control. It’s not about power. It’s about freedom and self-confidence. It’s about accomplishment, pride, and independence. It’s about authenticity and self-worth. Neither control nor power is as fulfilling as knowing that who I am and what I can do is valuable, even if unexpected or at times “difficult.”

I’m assertive. I have opinions. I’m fierce. I’m brilliant, creative, curious, hilarious, and according to a former manager, I’m even “bristly.” Fuck yeah!

That being said, I understand people’s instinct to dampen my spirit. I understand it intimately, in fact. My daughter, like me, is a strong-willed girl. A mighty force of a female. And it’s hard as hell to parent her. Somedays, I want to dampen her spirit just so the two of us can take a nap. I mean, if that’s what it would take to get some rest…I kid!

It’s hard to parent her not because there aren’t plenty of resources available to help me “manage,” “tolerate,” or “survive” my strong willed child, but because it’s hard as hell to maintain the vigilance necessary to protect her from being managed, tolerated, or merely survived. It’s tough constantly guarding the authenticity of my fierce, vibrant girl.

Let me rephrase that: it’s hard to keep the (socially constructed) haters at bay. It’s hard knowing that soon the world will tell her she’s too much (and undoubtedly, never ever enough). It’s hard, in a world that values compliance and conformity from its women, to deliberately carve out space for the wild and unabashed among us.

At 13 months old, this is the easiest it’s going to get, and to be honest, I’m already exhausted. I’m exhausted from trying to keep up with her strong-willed self, and I’m exhausted from having to defend it. Yes, I know she’s physical. I know she’s loud. I know she’s fearless and she’d look great in a baby-sized pant suit to match her baby-sized opinions. Trust me, I won’t even pretend that I haven’t thought about making bumper stickers that say, “Ada Kate, 2016.” I’d absolutely vote for her. Let’s be real, so would you. She’d be the first president to be potty-trained at 1600 Pennsylvania. On her own terms and timeline, of course.

I digress.

Knowing it’s only going to get more difficult moving forward, here’s my charge: parents of strong-willed girls, let’s unite. It’s the best chance our daughters have of being celebrated. Not managed. Not forced to comply or obey. Celebrated. Heard. Glorified, even.

Nothing about the trendy “Take Back Bossy” or “Like a Girl” campaigns can truly do for our daughters what we have the power to do for them in our homes everyday: celebrate them. Celebrate those strong willed girls.

Sing the song of the strong-willed girl

Dance beside them as they move mountains!

DO. NOT. LET. THEM. PLAY. SMALL.

Encourage them to expand.

Honor their strength.

Tell the rest of the world to get the fuck back.

Our girls are coming through and they need room to move.

When they push back against us, hear them.

Listen to what they’re telling us they need.

My guess is they’re not trying to do it their way to spite you. They’re trying to innovate. They’re trying to harmonize with their inner goddess. They’re trying to be authentic.

They’re trying to shine. Let them! The world is a dark enough place as it is. We don’t need to extinguish the few bright lights we have left.

This post was originally published on Two Dogs, One Cat, and a Baby

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About Audrey Sanchez

Audrey Sanchez is originally from a town in Kansas so small it has only one stop sign. Since then, she’s called Boulder, New Orleans, and most recently Kansas City home.  Mother to toddler Ada, dogs Clyde and Fancy, and cat Hushpuppy, Audrey blogs about her interspecies parenting adventures at www.twodogsonecatandababy.com. In addition to the chaos that her many critters bring, Audrey spends her time laundering cloth diapers, getting ready to go but never really making it to the gym, and fantasizing about REM cycles.Â