annoyed woman touching face listening to child
Humor Life Parenting SPM

What I’m Thinking While My Kid Rambles About Video Games

Why, oh why, did I ask about this stupid game?
Did I move the laundry to the dryer?
Did he just say “rupee”? That’s interesting. I didn’t know this game took place in India. Maybe it’s at least a little bit educational. Perhaps I’m not actually the worst parent in the world.
Man, if my kid cared half this much about schoolwork, maybe even a quarter, he’d get a scholarship for sure. We’d be set.

This game makes no sense. None at all. What are they even fighting about? They don’t even look angry.

annoyed woman touching face listening to child
by Jacqueline Miller of Boogers Abroad
What are we gonna do for his birthday party? If we have it outside, maybe we could invite a few kids. But which ones? And then which of his friends do we leave out? And would he be happy with that? We could do individually packaged food. Can we come up with enough outdoor activities to entertain them? But then if it rains, we’re screwed.
And maybe we could invite the grandparents. They would love that. I miss them so much. Of course, they’re fully vaccinated but we aren’t. Yet. So is that a bad idea? Should I even mention it? Or just keep waiting and waiting.
Maybe we could delay his birthday by a few months. But would that even make a difference?
The kid knows his own freaking birthday, it’s not like we can say, “Happy birthday, now let’s just wait three months, little buddy.”
Yes, honey, of course I’m paying attention.
Wow, I think I actually paid real cash money for a game called “Goat Simulator.” Is this what my life has come to? I mean, the one game where he was supposed to be a slice of bread that wants to become toast was goofy enough, but now this.
Someone is making a whole lot of money off of us.
Shhh, don’t ask another question, that will just wind him up for another 20 minutes.
Take a breath, child.
I need to get off my butt and start dinner.
And this kid needs to play outside more. Get some fresh air and exercise. Vitamin D! Speaking of, I need to order a new bike pump. Gosh, his bike is probably too small for him now. Well, there’s a birthday idea.
Just look how excited he is, though, telling me every detail of his game. So stinking cute.
I need to enjoy this time, while he actually wants to talk to his mother. And he doesn’t mind that I’m cuddled up next to him. Unlike his teen brother. And he even lets me hang out in his room.
Gosh, I love listening to him.
About the Author
Jacqueline Miller is the lone female in a house full of guys. She travels freakishly light and can balance two kids on her Dutch bicycle. Her recent articles appear in, HuffPost and The Christian Science Monitor. Follow her at and