When you meet someone new, there’s an awkward adjustment period where you’re both getting a feel for one another, deciding whether you have enough in common to foster a relationship or so little in common that it’s not worth it. You’re sizing each other up, analyzing every word and micro-expression, exploring uncharted waters.
Even after you’ve gotten to know someone, there is still analysis to be done. You start evaluating one another’s quirks, hang-ups, and intentions. What may once have been an endearing quality in another can sometimes turn into an annoyance, or worse, a warning to stay away.
Peopling is exhausting.
After you’ve been around the block a few times, though, you get better at deciding whether a person is somebody you’re willing to invest your time in. And even if you’ve already given them a great deal of it, sometimes things happen that make you question how compatible you are or whether you can even trust them.
When asked in a Reddit thread, “What small things make you automatically distrust someone?” a group of people unleashed their red flags, and some of them are spot on.
Many respondents offered general indicators that someone may not be trustworthy:
“One Better Syndrome” – where no matter what your experience, your history, your anecdote theirs is better, worse, funnier.
When they can’t be happy when their friends succeed in the ways they haven’t. If your jealousy is that profound, I don’t want to be around you.
When someone borrows something and never attempts to return or mention it until you bring it up.
When they act like the wealthiest person in the room is the most amazing person in the room.
not respecting my decision when I say no to something small. thank you for letting me know you don’t respect boundaries 👌
When they put a lot of energy into manipulating people instead of just living their lives.
People who can’t keep something to themselves and talk about another person’s private matters. I’m very private about myself, as trust takes years to build up but seconds to shatter.
When they judge others for the very things they’re guilty of themselves.
Accountability. Not owning up to their mistakes. Improper apologies.
They constantly talk shit about others but all the stories are skewed to their favor. I watch my mouth around people like that and try to only say things I don’t mind getting out.
When they flat out ignore what you say to talk about themselves. I don’t trust you, i know you’re only there for your own benefit and fuck anyone else around you.
“They told me not to tell anyone but…” Never will trust someone like that. If they tell me other people’s secrets they’ll no doubt tell other people mine.
When they talk shit about someone who just left the room.
Someone who constantly interrupts.
When they state something you know to be false as fact.
Repeatedly not following through…small things too.
When their opinions on the same topics change depending on who they are with.
Other respondents offered more specific and even humorous indicators that someone can’t be trusted:
Their phone background is a selfie.
They start talking about their essential oils/leggings/makeup/wine business.
I don’t trust physicians who never say “I don’t know.” The most dangerous physicians are the ones who make a bad call and then defend it with all their might. Those who answer a question incorrectly with supreme confidence. If a doc occasionally says “I don’t know, let’s look it up” then I know I can trust her/him.
Any interviewer that brags about the “family” atmosphere at work or puts too much emphasis on the “culture”. We work really hard but we’re like family … so it’s totally ok if we take advantage of you?
They dont use their blinkers.
Sometimes you get a “feeling” about somebody and know to stay away. Other times they reveal their true colors in different ways over time. Regardless of whether you agree with all, some, or none of these, it’s a good idea to set some sort of measure of trustworthiness for yourself and employ it with those whom you’re considering offering your time and your heart. After all: