Trump Signs Executive Order Saying Moon Can’t Rise Unless It’s Full

By Chrissy Howe of Full Metal Mommy

Breaking news out of Washington: Donald Trump made more waves today when he signed an executive order decreeing that the moon may not rise until it’s full.

Press Secretary Sean Spicer released the information and quoted the president: “Nobody likes a moon that isn’t doing its best.” And then he left the room abruptly, taking no questions.

Some reporters were left questioning whether this was a strategic move to show America’s power, or if the president just unilaterally makes laws against things he doesn’t like.

Scientists from several major universities decried the legislation as being a “Waste of time!” and “That’s not how it works!”

Protests broke out in defense of the moon, drawing attention from global leaders who released their own statements in its support. Canada’s Trudeau said, “We need the moon. We have a global responsibility to protect this special symbiotic relationship. The moon brings us many important things.”

The Department of Justice shrugged its shoulders when asked for comment.

Trump responded on Twitter, saying, “Americans don’t like the dark, we want full participation from all parts of our solar system. Or else!”

Homeland security scrambled to try and find a way to detain the moon before nightfall. NASA refused to assist in the mission, calling it a “fruitless waste of time” before every member of the space program tendered their resignations.

Russia, extending generous and unprecedented aide, was willing to allow us the use of their space program for the Presidential mission in exchange for our democracy.


About the Author

Chrissy Howe is the mother of three lovable, stubborn little kids. She writes humor, personal stories and Op-Ed from her home in Vermont while her kids color on the walls. You can find her blog at Find more humorous rants on Facebook and find 140-character commentaries on Twitter.