By Diana Kane of Mama Needs A Cupcake
The magical day of tantrums and spilled milk is finally coming to a close. You carry your flailing toddler up the stairs to commence the blissful “six” hour bedtime routine. There’s pottying, teeth brushing, reading of a million books and talk about the favorite things that happened today. The music player is turned on, the star machine has plastered a million flickering stars on the ceiling, and you sit next to your sweet little, rubbing their back and humming a song. Once those heavy eyelids finally surrender to the day, you tiptoe out of the bedroom like a stealth cat.
A silent, victorious scream from a job well done erupts as you crawl into bed. Your smile hits the pillow just as you close your tired eyes.
…Mom?
NO! They are up…and staring you straight in the face. The torturous marathon of putting them back into their bed has begun.
Here are the ten “tragedies” which — I’ve found — force my wee ones from their bed…and into my room:
1.) The ice in the water cup doesn’t swish enough.
2.) They need socks, but NOT THOSE SOCKS! (You know, the pink ones with the stars…that are in the dirty clothes hamper from two days ago.)
3.) Her pajama bottoms are “falling up”?
4.) The blanket is scaring her. (You need to yell at it.)
5.) The fluffy pillow…is scaring her. (You need to yell at it.)
6.) She needs her socks OFF!
7.) She can’t find the McDonald’s toy from three months ago. (And she won’t find it because you threw it away…three months ago.)
8.) You ONLY read twenty books!
9.) We didn’t floss her teeth…that are nine miles apart.
10.) There is an urgent need to change into a princess dress with matching heals. URGENT.
By this point, parents are obligated to pretended to be asleep. Once the toddler realizes that you are actually “sleeping” and no longer care that they are out of bed…they silently celebrate their victory. Then sneak around to the other side of the bed with cat-like stealth and crawl in. Carefully, they arrange the covers to not disturb your slumber and moments later…drift off to sleep.
These little monsters would be snoring their hearts out before the covers were pulled up if we just let them sleep in our beds to begin with, but where’s the fun in that? It totally wouldn’t assert our parental authority like putting up an hour-long fight and then giving in.
This post originally appeared on Mama Needs A Cupcake.
*******
About the Author
Diana Kane is a wife, mom, and frequent companion to coffee and chaos. She is a proud supporter of ice cream cake for breakfast and perpetually struggles with being on time. Diana blogs at Mama Needs A Cupcake, where she writes about the less than perfect version of motherhood and recently published her first book, “Mama Needs A Cupcake.”