The Facebook Feed Of A Perfect Parent


The Facebook Feed of a Perfect Parent

By Tracy DeBlois of Orange & Silver

This is what being a perfect parent looks like on social media.

“Earlier today we drove past McDonald’s and Agatha pointed at it and said, ‘What’s that?’ #winningatparenting”

“I love it that my older children love the baby! They argue over who gets to play with him. It’s so weird to hear them arguing over anything!”

“Luquas’s teacher said he’s more advanced at math than any kid his age she’s seen. She says he’s totally got two digit addition, and is ready to do multiplication! So proud of my three-year-old boy!”

“My hubby is the best guy in the world! Just today he detailed my car and cleaned the oven so I could nap. What a man!”

“Dudlee loves the baby food I make him—he won’t even touch the jarred stuff! I’m so glad I can give my baby organic non-GMO fair trade fruits and vegetables.”

“Jasper just got a promotion at work! His third in two years! His boss said he’d never seen anyone learn the business so quickly—you rock, honey!”

“Agatha just folded and put way all her own clothes! Pretty good for five! She’s mama’s little helper, alright.”

“So glad I can always count on my kids for a laugh. They’re so funny! Everyone says it’s like watching a sitcom when they’re around.”

“I just made the most awesome dinner. Jasper said it was better than any restaurant meal he’d ever had, including the $300 one we had on our last anniversary! Go me!”

“Some days I feel down, but then I remember that I’m molding young minds, and I’m on top of the world! I have the best job ever. #soblessed”

“I gave Dudlee some of the Szechuan chicken that his daddy had left over from last night—Jasper always orders four chili peppers, and it appears that at 18 months, Dudlee has Daddy’s taste for hot foods. He couldn’t eat it fast enough!”

“Agatha has picked up swimming faster than any of the other kids in her Guppy group. The teacher says we should consider swim team for her as soon as she’s six. That’s my little fishy girl!”

“Jasper just spent the last half hour giving the kids ‘horsie’ rides around the yard even though his broken ankle is still in a soft cast. Best Daddy ever.”

“My father-in-law gave Agatha an American Girl doll. Such a wonderful thought, but we’ll be returning it, because we’re trying to make sure the kids have only neutral toys. We just don’t want to introduce gender bias so young.”

“So proud—asked Luquas what he wanted for Christmas, and he said, ‘Play Legos and do puzzles with Mommy,’ No toys, no games, just Mommy time. How sweet is this boy?”

“I love listening to the rain. It reminds me that our time on Earth is short, and we shouldn’t take anything for granted, even just water falling from the sky. #lovemothernature #perfectlife #forevergratefulforeverything.”

“Let the kids drink some cocoa and now they’re telling us we are horrible and mean. We’ll be cutting out sugar for a loooooong time after this! Maybe forever! Sugar turns children into monsters!”

“You MUST vote! If you don’t exercise your right to vote, the terrorists win. As an American, it’s your DUTY to vote. I hate to be extreme, but I have to say that if I hear of any friends who didn’t vote, I will be unfriending. I just can’t stay friends with people who don’t support our government.”

“Throw out your television set! When kids watch TV they learn violence, bullying, and racism. All network TV depicts those things. Get rid of it, and they can’t learn hate. TV breeds hate. NO TV!!”

“Agatha told me today I’m the strongest Mommy ever.”

“Sigh…so tired…”

“So glad I gave up on sippy cups…so unnecessary. Like binkies…why?? Only lazy moms use sippy cups and binkies.”

“Agatha is SIX today! Been a mom for six years—best six years of my life! OMG!! A boy even asked her to be his girlfriend last week (whut? Whut?) THANK GOODNESS, she said “NO, “ which I told her she’ll have say a lot in the future most likely!”

Try not to throw up in your mouth.


About the Author

Tracy has a husband, four children, a dog, and a full time job. Her work has appeared on In The Powder Room, the Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop website, Ten to Twenty Parenting, and Babble, and she is a contributor to “I Still Just Want to Pee Alone,” an anthology edited by New York Times Best Selling author Jen Mann. She blogs at Orange & Silver, providing a humorous glimpse into the never-settling snow globe that is her mind. Her days are spent answering questions about the location of her children’s belongings, figuring out what’s for dinner, and reminding everyone that socks without feet in them do not belong in the living room. She can be found on her blog and on Facebook and Twitter.