By Sarah Curry
Jennifer,
Thank you for choosing Soul-Sister Surgery to perform your at-home c-section. It’s no easy task to select the surgeon for your home birth. I promise to be there to walk beside you during your birth journey, hold your hand, and yes, ultimately, slice into your uterus. With training in obstetrics and plastic surgery, I’ll have that baby out and you looking as close to ©Surgery Free as soon as possible.
I strongly believe that birth should offer as much convenience and choice as a fast food restaurant, so when it comes to your birth day, remember it’s your birth, your way. You don’t have to be fierce, mama. Let me do that. You don’t need to be super woman. That’s my job. Just be you. Put your feet up (you’ll need to for swelling). Have a cocktail (see below) and get ready to meet that beautiful baby.
Things I will provide:
Surgical kit
Painkillers
Special Mama Smoothie
I.V.
Things you must provide:
An entire roll of plastic sheeting
Some people ask if the tarps they have in their garage will work. No, there will be too much blood. We’ll have your bedroom looking like a straight-up Dexter kill zone, so most of all, please don’t worry about that special duvet or a little cat hair in your house. A perk: If you decide to kill your husband or in-laws while you’re in “labor,” we can do that with little additional mess!
Relaxing music of your choice
Many women like to listen to Sounds of Nature: Dolphins to remind themselves this is a joyful yet primal experience. If you have ever considered dolphin-assisted birth, this may be the right choice for you!
Warm socks!
Your feet will be cold after your c-section.
Your favorite beverage
At a hospital you would be offered crushed ice, but in the privacy of your own home I invite you to imbibe on your fave–in particular, hard liquor is great! My assistant can make a great whiskey champagne punch or margarita.
Your birthday suit!
Many women ask what to wear and I say, ladies, there’s a reason you are in the privacy of your own home … and I hope it’s so you can be comfortable naked at all times. Nudity is the best option as there will be no uncomfortable material to rub on the c-section site and you won’t have to worry about removing tanks or bras when it’s time to nurse baby.
Five pints of blood
Very important! Must be your blood type.
Add ons:
Meditation Session pre-birth
Pedicure pre- or post-birth
Hair styling pre- or post-birth
Video crew – 15% discount offered if I can use for promotional purposes.
Baby Meet & Greet – A great option for moms who want to rub their home c-section in to their natural birth and home birth friends and/or want their extended family in and out! Includes event planning, catering, decorations, and entertainment (A pony is just one option. Many moms like to say the pony is a gift from little bro or sis. Trust me, kids never ask how a horse was in Mom’s tummy.)
Finally, please let me know if you or Dad would like to cut the cord or if you have any other requests for me on your special day.
Because it’s your day, one of your last.
Your soul sister-surgeon,
Dr. A
*****
About the Author
Sarah Curry is a writer and a mom. Sometimes she’s funny. Sometimes she’s giving you a look. Visit her on twitter @SarahManonCurry.