If you really do want to spend a quiet evening out with friends without getting blackout shit-hammered, it might not hurt to keep these accelerants in mind.
Entertainment Humor SPM

Survey Reveals What Booze Is Most Likely to Get You Arrested, Hungover, and Naked


We’ve all had a night (or 10) that has somehow managed to get away from us. “Just a drink” out with friends can often turn into wild night of debauchery in the blink of an eye. As you get older, these nights usually just turn into a sunglasses and Advil morning, but every once in a while things get wild.

Most people don’t go into an evening with the plan of having an out-of-control time, so there are a lot of factors that come into play. Sometimes it’s the mood, often it’s the people you’re with, and other times it’s something unexpected.

A recent survey found that the type of booze you consume can be a contributing factor to what path your night out on the town will take.

The big shocker for me is that the survey was conducted by addictions.com, who describe themselves as “leading the way to recovery.” Sure, nobody wants a hangover, but providing a roadmap to wild times seems like a pretty big temptation for those trying to avoid drinking.

Anyway, to those people seeking help, I wish you the best. Everyone else, follow me; we’re going streaking through the quad!

Of all the things on this list (including getting arrested) hangovers are probably the worst. For me, a true hangover lasts until 7pm the next day, at least. Sometimes it’s a couple of days before I get my sea legs back.

In any case, the survey found that the worst hangovers are experienced after tequila. I get a hangover just by smelling that shit, so this checks out.

Luckily I have never spent time in the clink, but I have witnessed quite a few people getting hauled off by Johnny Law because of a drinking related incident. The fuel most likely to be responsible? Whiskey.

That’s probably not a surprise, but I think whiskey gets a bad rap for making people aggressive. I think the biggest problem is simply that it’s so yummy, and when it hits, it hits hard. I’ve picked a few friends up from the “drunk tank” in my time, and while I’d rather not be in their shoes, they didn’t look much worse for wear.

Raise your hand if you have a tattoo. Leave that hand up if you were inebriated whilst getting inked. There is absolutely NOTHING to be embarrassed by with this one. That is, unless you got a butthole tattooed on your belly button, or decided the face was a great place for some permanent ink. Some people just need a little liquid courage in order to take the plunge, and in this case that liquid is vodka.

Most of these shoulder butterflies and tribal tramp stamps are just a fun reminder of Spring Break ’98 down in Cancun. Embrace the fun person you used to be! But, if you have virgin skin, but think you might like a cute little dolphin on your ankle, just load up on Lemon Drop shots and head on in to the first walk-in shop you see. You won’t even have to tell them what you want; they’ll note your level of intoxication, and get right to work on that masterpiece.

Probably the most important category to note is the one involving public nudity. They stressed that this was NOT just in the comfort of your own home.

Although there was an apparent trend towards pricier booze resulting in public nudity less often, the data speak for themselves in terms of individual drinks and the propensity to remove one’s clothing. Of note is that the top four drinks reported accounted for over 90% of the instances of public nudity, suggesting a clustering of drinks around which people tend to find themselves naked in the company of strangers. It is also possible that these drinks: vodka, rum, tequila and whiskey, are simply more frequently served in bars or at parties in which people are more likely to be able to expose themselves to others. After all, if you drink at home and strip naked, no one other than your roommates or neighbors looking through open windows can really complain

So basically this means you’ve pulled out the goods in front of a group of people and not stumbled into your home, stripped off all of your clothes because “why’s it so hot in here?” while your across-the-street neighbor, Todd, was peeping on you. So what hooch will give you the courage to go streaking? Vodka again. Vodka, you little minx.

These can all be a little embarrassing after the fact, but when you’re tits out/cuffs on, you don’t give a fuck! You’re drunk; just roll with it.

However, if you really do want to spend a quiet evening out with friends without getting blackout shit-hammered, it might not hurt to keep these accelerants in mind. In case that quiet evening gets a little bit turnt, you can always fall back on the immortal words of Motherfucker Jones…