Bristol’s self-proclaimed “grammar vigilante” may sneak around in the dead of night altering shop signs, but he’s no ordinary vandal. This man is a hero.
The grammar vigilante fixes signs with misused punctuation, and he specializes in misplaced apostrophes. This is quite the job as apostrophe misuse on signs (and presidential tweets) is reaching epidemic proportions. He has even built a special tool he calls an “apostrophizer” to reach especially tall signs.
As a side note, why are apostrophes so hard for people? I understand there are occasionally tricky scenarios. If John Hughes had won an Academy Award for The Breakfast Club (which he totally should have, by the way), would that be John Hughes’s award or John Hughes’ award? To tell you the truth, I’m not totally sure myself. In these situations I either Google that shit or rewrite the sentence in the passive voice to avoid that fuckery altogether.
The mystery man, who has been at it for thirteen years, uses stickers rather than paint to cover errant apostrophes. In fact, he doesn’t even consider what he’s doing to be vandalism:
I do think it’s a cause worth pursuing…It’s more of a crime to have the apostrophes wrong in the first place.
Now if the grammar vigilante would just add misused quotation marks to his repertoire, I could stop wondering what exactly I’m signing up for when I order a “pork” taco from the local food truck.