Sex-Inspired Gifts to Put the ‘Ho’ Back in Holidays

It’s been quite a year and we can all use a laugh. So here are some hilarious sex-inspired gifts for anyone looking to HoHoHo it up:

The G-Spot Mouse

This item is the perfect not-so-subtle gift for any man in your life who needs help finding “how to scroll.” You’re welcome.

A Dick to Eat

These chocolate dicks are the perfect “gag” gift. And they’re organic. ENJOY YOUR ORGANIC DICK, KAREN.

A Labia Shawl

If you happen to have $1000 to burn, this very real Fendi shawl will have you asking, “Why would anyone want to look like they’re giving birth to their head?”

Naughty Claus Wrapping Paper

Looks like young Santa knows you’ve been naughty, but he still has a package for you.

A Literal Bag of Dicks

Tell someone to “Eat a bag of dicks” by sending an actual bag of edible dicks to anyone you want, anonymously.


These gifts are perfect for decking your halls with something that looks like your love hall. Pro tip: Every time a bell rings, an angel gets an orgasm.

Cock CORKscrew

This little guy is a man of many talents and works as a bottle stopper, opener, and corkscrew.

Wine Condom

This wine condom protects your bottle of wine, working as a wine stopper. Does not prevent pregnancy. In fact, the more wine you drink, the more likely you are to end up pregnant. That’s just science.

Vagina Necklaces

These have been around a few years but they still make me laugh every time I see them.

Penis pendants

Who wouldn’t want a flaccid penis hanging around their neck? It almost looks like a bad review: “The movie was terrible. I give it two chubs down.”

Floral Peen Pillow

This pillow is the perfect addition for anyone who loves peen but is also fancy AF. The pattern also “comes” on socks, blankets, accessory bags, pins, and phone cases.

Vachina Coin Purses

Flaps rule everything around me, and these coin purses are designed to look like…coin purses. They can be made with customizable colors and hair and what a time to be alive.

Penis Plushes

This Penis Plush family will have you wondering why a micropenis family exists and how it all came to this.

These gifts are all great for anyone who has a sense of humor. I personally suggest buying them for your most conservative friends and family. It’s just more fun that way. I don’t make the rules.