The other night we decided to do a little take-out and were down to two options: Mexican or Chinese. Unfortunately, there really aren’t any exceptional choices around us for either, so we ventured over to the Google reviews to help us decide. Based on the glowing 5-star reviews, we narrowed in on one Chinese restaurant in particular and away we went.
The order was in and after a 15 minute drive, a moderate wait, and an unreasonable amount of conversation with the cashier, the total was delivered: $65 and change. A lot to pay for 3 meals, a pint of soup and a couple of egg rolls, but everyone at home was starving, so I had no desire to dispute. I added a few bucks for a tip, grabbed my food, and headed home to provide a delicious bounty to the fam.
As we sorted through all the food, we quickly discovered that we were missing the Sweet ‘n Sour chicken that I had been just a little bit excited about devouring. My irritation level jumped up, but not enough to make the drive back, as we had enough food for everyone to be full for the next 30 minutes. No, a simple phone call would suffice this time.
I immediately recognized the voice on the other end, as I had been forced to endure a barrage of uncomfortable and humorless jokes while waiting. I explained the situation and was told not to worry, I wasn’t charged for that meal because I hadn’t ordered it (I did), but she could put it in, and I could come back to pick it up. I declined, but requested she review the price of the order, because $65 was a little steep for what I got. “You’re right,” she said, “the total is $45, so I can just leave a credit for you here to get some food at a later time.”
After an angry chortle, I declared that I would in fact like her to refund the amount, and after a back and forth about whether she owed me $10 or $20, we settled the discussion and I snidely told her to keep the tip before hanging up. With that, I sat down, ate my food, and continued with my evening. The food was above-average, and the service was annoying, but really not that crazy.
For some reason, though, I just couldn’t shake the entirety of the experience, so I headed back to Google to see if others had similar experiences. It was bored curiosity really. I don’t typically care about a couple of 1-star reviews written by people who can’t find their own ass, but some cosmic force tempted me to browse the assortment of rants, and WOW, am I ever glad that I did.
Each of the 1-star reviews has a response from the owner that are more than just a little eyebrow raising. At first I found it unprofessional, but after a while, I couldn’t help but find them hilarious. There are even a couple of 3-stars the owner goes after, and he is wholly unapologetic for each and every response.
1) The customer’s last name was “Satan,” but that didn’t stop the owner from dancing with the devil.
2) The first of many digs at the restaurant “across the street.”
3) This reviewer must like Miller High Life, the champagne of beers.
4) What are we, fortune tellers?
5)And good luck to you, sir!
6) Ditto
7)The poor “old guy” across the street. What did he ever do to you?
8) No, Brittany, YOU’RE the zero.
9) You leave poor Stephanie’s mustache out of this!
10) Sorry your story sucks, bro.
11) Yeah, go eat at McDonalds, ya poor!
12) Burn
13) Take your 3 stars, and shove them directly up your ass!
I’m still waiting on that refund, but I think I’ll stick to the phone to resolve the issue rather than taking it online. I have no interest in getting roasted over $20.