By Ali Hanford
Jessica Smith, a 35-year-old publicist from New York, stunned friends and family with the announcement that she has come up with a brand new parenting method that will allow moms to have children without changing their lives at all.
Smith, who is currently five months pregnant with her first child, claims that by working the baby’s needs around her existing schedule, she will be able to continue living her “work hard, play hard” lifestyle without interruption.
“I’ve seen friends and family members struggle to handle their work-life balance after having kids, and I don’t see what the big deal is,” said Smith. “Newborns don’t really do much. You can basically wear them wherever you need to go, and you barely need to bring any supplies with you if you’re nursing.”
She told friends that she was shocked no one had thought of this before. “I read all of the parenting books and websites,” she said. “They all say to ‘sleep when the baby sleeps,’ but my kid is going to sleep when I sleep.”
Smith also plans to breastfeed and make her own locally-sourced, organic baby food.
She says she’s not without her critics, though. “I’ve heard some people say that I have no idea what I’m talking about, but I have raised two dogs since they were puppies and I have nieces and nephews that I babysit,” Smith proclaimed. “It’s basically the same thing.”
Family members are having a hard time containing their excitement for her new plan. According to Smith, her sister-in-law, a mother of three, is always saying, “I can’t wait to see how this works out for you.”
About the Author
Ali Hanford is the prep and comedy director for an independent radio network and has had her work published on sites like Scary Mommy and Mum.Info under the alias Allie G. She currently hosts the “I Can’t Even” podcast (www.theicantevenshow.com), a show for women on the higher end of the millennial spectrum. When she isn’t being bossed around by her toddler, you can find her seeking contact with other adults on Twitter @ali610.