By Joy Hedding of Evil Joy Speaks
If you’ve ever struggled with wine or adult beverage pairings, I’ve got a manual for you because the perfect drink really can make the perfect moment that much more special. A pairing misstep may lead to a failed event which could lead to a failed day which could completely and totally ruin your ENTIRE HOLIDAY SEASON! And since we can’t have that, I’ve devised the following pairing guide.
Shopping With Children
Spicy chocolate coffee, followed by a spicy chocolate coffee with Rumchata. You see, while you are out, the coffee will keep you on your game and help you wrangle overstimulated children. You can find your way about while desperately trying to remember everything you need and searching for the child hiding in the clothing racks. But once home, add a bit of Rumchata; the Rumchata will keep your from losing your mind when you realize the one thing you needed from the store is the one thing you forgot.
Ornament Craft With Children
Diet Coke. Much like the spicy chocolate coffee, Diet Coke is resilient, i.e. after sweeping broken glass off the floor — for the seventh time — you can add a shot of your favorite rum. Added bonus: By the tenth time you’re sweeping up glass, you’ll be okay with the whole situation, and you can send your spouse out to buy another set of ten glass ornaments because you obviously didn’t learn anything the first ten attempts.
Decorating The Christmas tree
A nice white wine, because it’s Christmas. It’s a tree. And it’s ornaments. Each ornament has a memory, and a walk down memory lane takes a bottle hour or two.
Prepping The Turkey For A Family Gathering
Ginger Beer. Why, you ask? Because it’s my favorite, and raw meat of any kind is WRONG. Gross and wrong. And since I have to clean out the inside cavity of a dead bird in my kitchen (where I will have to bleach all the things because RAW MEAT), I may add some lime juice and vodka to that ginger beer to make a nice Moscow Mule.
Wrapping Gifts
Hot chocolate with Fireball. Nothing says cozy and fun like a nice homemade hot cocoa. Use a little Dutch cocoa powder and whip it up. And after your partner steals all the “geometrically pleasing” package shapes (see: anything square), the Fireball will ease the fact that you’ll be wrapping all the blankets and toys with heads sticking out one side and all the slippers in their “slipper-shaped” packages…and that one that’s shaped like a fishing pole.
I hope these pairings make your holiday season more enjoyable. Feel free to alter these pairings to make them fit your situation. And then tell me about them!
This post originally appeared on Evil Joy Speaks.
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ABOUT JOY HEDDING
Joy is wife to one Dr. Evil and mother to four children she lovingly refers to as spawn. She can typically be found carting those spawn from one activity to the next all the while plotting the next family snowboarding adventure. Joy is a contributor to “Surviving Mental Illness Through Humor” and “Only Trollps Shave Above the Knee.” Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.