By Ali of Run, Knit, Love

Children on the West Coast have been virtually without The Odd Squad since July 15, as the Republican National Convention – and now the Democratic National Convention – have preempted regularly scheduled programming.

“It was 4:58 and I had just settled my children down in front of PBS Kids so I could enjoy a glass of wine and a moment to myself,” said Sarah Glass of San Francisco, recounting the horrific moments this past Monday.

“Suddenly, I heard my daughter screaming, ‘Mom! Mom! Come here! This has never happened before!’ I ran into the room to find a political correspondent talking about the convention, and I knew that we were all in for a world of hurt.”

Ms. Glass has three children under the age of six.

Jessica Fraser, a stay-at-home mom in Portland, Oregon was in a similar situation. “I mean, it is summer. Summer! I am with these kids every effing minute of the day. And then they throw this on me! This is not going to buy them my vote, I can tell you that right now.”

“I’m all for democracy and stuff,” said Alicia Stanton of Tucson, Arizona. “I mean, we wouldn’t be where we are today without it, I don’t think. But is a land without Wild Kratts a place I want my children to live in?” She shook her head sadly before answering her own rhetorical question. “No. The answer is no.”

“Look, for one day, it was fine,” said Ms. Glass. “I got out the markers, we drew pictures of some birds that maybe the Kratts brothers could have discovered. I made up some ‘facts’ about wingspan and continued with the charade that I am more knowledgeable than PBS Kids.”

Ms. Glass looked down and then looked vacantly ahead for several moments before continuing. “But let’s face it. I hate birds. I hate markers. And I’m about this damn close to hating my own children.”

Bella Glass, age four, peered around the corner. Her face was nearly covered in an intricate pattern of self-inflicted marker tattoos. “I like birds,” she whispered eerily, before once again disappearing.

When Ms. Fraser was informed that the Democratic National Convention would continue through the end of the week, she became visibly distressed. “Well, that’s just great,” she said. She removed a chilled bottle of wine from the fridge. “Juuuuuust great,” she said, as she bit the cork off the bottle with her teeth.

She lifted the bottle up in a lopsided cheer before taking a long swig. “Long live democracy.”

*****

About the Author

Ali lives in Portland, Oregon with her husband and three children. She blogs for Run, Knit, Love. You can follow her on Facebook and Twitter.