By MockMom Contributors
Set up additional emergency funding to the fire department to help put out this incoming dumpster fire.
Replace nuclear button with Staples big, red “EASY” button.
Put post-its up to help Trump learn governmental vocabulary, like “legislate” and “veto.”
Leave a children’s version of the Constitution on the coffee table.
Also leave a copy of The Lorax to teach him why fighting climate change is important. (We’ll see if Trump thinks Dr. Seuss a real doctor and asks Ben Carson if they know each other.)
Set aside funds for all the White House staffers Trump will eventually refuse to pay.
Leave a copy of the Quran in the Oval Office desk, just to fuck with him.
Permanently set the thermostat to 50 degrees. (To keep Trump from heating the place to beach temperatures and insisting female employees work in bikinis or something.)
Leave a rabid cat in the bedroom. (Have fun grabbing that pussy.)
Install oldest version of Windows possible.
Make desktop wallpaper that spinning wheel, so he thinks something’s always loading.
Update the auto-correct on all government computers to change hateful language to inclusive language.
Hide the password to the POTUS Twitter account.
Hide all the white sheets, too. Just in case.
Booby trap the Oval Office. Literally just label things “booby trap” and Trump will fall for it, because “booby.”
Find a cardboard cut-out of myself to leave behind, to see if he notices it’s not a real person.
Tip White House hairdresser to sabotage that dead fox Trump calls hair.
Leave a hairbrush in every single room.
Remove all of the mirrors from the residence.
Look into adding basic grammar tests to future ballots.
Special thanks to the following MockMom contributors:
Elizabeth Argyropoulos of Bourgeois Alien, Rhiannon Giles of rhiyaya.com, Anna Gracia of TheSnarkyReviewer.com, Jennifer Rosen Heinz of Thinking Mom, Joanna McClanahan of Ramblin’ Mama, and Kristina Johnson of thatmommylady.com.