Newborn Arrives Home from Hospital, Cat Less Than Thrilled

By Marisa Svalstedt

On Wednesday morning, an 8-year-old house cat awoke to find his life completely disrupted, leaving him feeling very irritated and grouchy.

Sleeping soundly in his usual, sunbathed corner of the living room he shares with his two adult roommates, he was awoken to the sound of pounding feet and clunking luggage stumbling down the stairs. He’d thought it was strange that for the past couple of days only his male roommate briefly popped in a couple of times to feed him, but assumed that his roommates were on some sort of short holiday. He doesn’t usually care as long as his food remains well stocked.

As he lazily looked up from his morning snooze, he realized his female roommate was carrying a small bundle of blankets which she placed into the new, tall cat bed they’d just set up. She then pointed to the bundle and smiled at him, telling him that this was a “new family member.” The bundle began making loud, horrifying shrieks, upsetting him so much that he ran from the room in a big hurry.

“I didn’t understand what was going on,” the cat tells us, tail flicking angrily from side to side. “First they put that thing in my brand new bed without even asking, and then it would appear that they are intending to keep it! For good!”

The cat, who’s been rooming with the adult human couple for several years, was extremely agitated by the lack of regard for his feelings and the sheer nerve of them making such a life-altering decision without him. “It just hasn’t been the same since they brought that thing they call ‘a baby’ home,” he complained, citing an immediate decrease in petting, brushing, and cuddling.

Since the new arrival he’s noticed an increase in disruptions throughout his day. “For one, that baby cries randomly, all of the time. I usually require about 16 hours of sleep. Every time I’m just about to doze off, I’m jolted out of my comfort zone by the sound of high-pitched howling.”

The lack of sleep isn’t all this house cat takes issue with. He also reports that while he usually enjoys sleeping comfortably in bed with his roommates, this arrangement is now rendered impossible as they are always accidentally shoving or kicking him while climbing out of bed throughout the evening in order to tend to their screaming new addition.

He’s also noticed a significant amount of favoritism he finds especially offensive given the longevity of his relationship with his human cohabitants. “They constantly feed the baby from a bottle, while rocking and cradling it in their arms. I’m still expected to eat my food out of a plastic dish on the cold floor.”

In addition, he’s observed that this baby isn’t required to use a bathroom or litter box. “They literally wipe its ass when it goes. I mean, what makes them think I wouldn’t like my ass wiped instead of having to clean it up on my own? It’s not like I can use toilet paper the way they can. Do they think I actually enjoy licking my own behind?” he growled angrily.

He did note that on several occasions his roommates invited him to sit with them on the couch, and also encouraged him to look at the baby and sniff her clothing. At present, he still remains aloof and keeps his distance in silent protest in regards to this unwanted new development.

When asked why he chooses to slap away the olive branch, he replied, “For all I know that baby might try to grab my tail or pull on my fur. There is no telling what it may do … We had a good thing going here. I don’t get why the hell they screwed with our perfect balance.” After a moment, his fur, which was standing on end, seemed to smooth and he skeptically purred, “We will see.”

While this house cat is clearly unhappy with his current living situation, a glimmer of hope remains that eventually he will adapt to change and accept his new, mini-roommate with claw-retracted paws.


About the Author

Marisa Svalstedt is a stay-at-home mom living in Connecticut, with her husband, and their daughter. She received her MA in English from Western Connecticut State. Her writing has been featured on Babble, The Mighty, ParentCo, Her View from Home, and many other publications. In addition to writing she enjoys photography, crochet, and jumping on trampolines.