Why isn't Mom-Olympics a thing? It should be. We'd all kick ass at the multi-tasking event, sprinting after our toddlers in parking lots, and wrestling a toddler into his clothes.
Entertainment Humor Parenting

Mom Olympics: 10 Events I Could School a Motha In

Why isn't Mom-Olympics a thing? It should be. We'd all kick ass at the multi-tasking event, sprinting after our toddlers in parking lots, and wrestling a toddler into his clothes.

By Katie Wadland of EatSleepMomRepeat

So I watched the Olympics here and there and I’ve got a few suggestions for events I think might engage the mom crowd a little more. They might just give us the edge we need to medal in one of these things some day. And they’d certainly be entertaining to watch at the least. Which of these could you school a motha in?

Gymnastics: The “how fast can you install two car seats without pulling a hamstring” event. Never easy, but if you have the flexibility of a gymnast, you can get it done pretty damn quickly when you want to.

Track – the hurdles: The “making dinner while jumping over small people, pets and all the shit that’s in your kitchen” event. To qualify, you must perform this task in succession for at least 365 days prior to the event.

Track – 200 meter dash: The “sprinting after a disobedient toddler who is running head on into traffic at full speed” event. You want to see someone perform at superhuman speeds? Put their kid in danger and you’ll see something impressive.

Track – distance events: The “doing laundry the day after vacation for a family of four” event. Sure, it may not include any actual running, but I swear I get more steps on my Fitbit in the ten hours it takes me to complete this task than when I actually go for a jog.

Track – the high jump: The “moment after you step on a Lego or Barbie in the middle of the night” event. Extra points if you make that weird back flip thing happen

Weightlifting: The “carrying a 30 pound toddler who thinks she’s a newborn all day long” event. Unfortunately, I’m the favorite in this one..

Golf: The “bedtime with a super needy kid” event. Because it takes for freaking ever and you have to escape in silence in the dark just like a golfer teeing off.

Tennis: The “getting kids ready to go when you’re already late” event. Because the number of times you’ll run back and forth across the house is like watching a tennis ball go back and forth and back and forth.

Modern pentathlon: Have I been sleeping under a rock? How did I not know about this event? Fencing, swimming, show jumping, pistol shooting, cross country all in one day? How about the “who’s the best damn multi-tasker in the world” event? Who’s a better multi-tasker than a mom? We’d run this event! On an average day, we are a chef, a house cleaner, a bus driver, a tutor, a nurse and a breadwinner. And that’s just an average day…

Wrestling: Well, this one’s easy. How about the “forcing clothes on an angry kid” event? Or the “diapering the unwilling” event. Or the ever-challenging “strapping a tantruming toddler into a car seat” event? I spend a so much of my day wrestling I could probably medal in the actual sport at this point!

This post was originally published on EatSleepMomRepeat

********

About the Author

Katie Wadland is a Massachusetts-based mama raising her girls with her husband out in suburbia. She sometimes wakes up and wonders how the hell she got here. She’s a part-time Physical Therapist, part-time Blogger and full-time Beta Mom Extraordinaire. She has been published at Scary Mommy, Kveller, Mamapedia and BluntMoms. Her Beta Mom Guides and other ramblings can be found at EatSleepMomRepeat, and you can follow her on Facebook, Instagram or at Twitter.