Not long ago we uncovered the truth about Starbucks’ use of Holiday Cups as tribute to the Dark Lord. And now the West Wing of the White House has been decorated in dedication to all things unholy.
“At this point, I think it’s pretty obvious where our loyalties lie,” said Melania Trump. “I mean, this entire administration has been a tribute to all things evil. Have you seen Steve Bannon? He’s basically a living, festering wound.”
When asked why she chose this specific shade of red, Melania seemed confused. (We think she might have been confused, but there’s no way of knowing if that’s just the way her face looks all the time.)
“We just wanted this year’s decorations to match the sentiment of keeping kids in cages and tear gassing women and children seeking legal asylum at the border. The ‘Be Best’ campaign’s full name is ‘Be Best at Being Truly Demonic People.’ They shortened it for the hashtag or something. But this decor is perfect for our theme of creating hell on earth.”
“The Dark Lord demands sacrifice, and we’re not afraid to excuse away American journalists being hacked apart with a bone saw to make that happen,” said Melania, smiling.
When Donald Trump was asked his opinion of the decorations, he said he didn’t care for them, adding, “They look like they’ve got blood coming out of their whatevers.”
When we asked an intern what they thought, they burst into tears and said it was an improvement from last year, where the theme was “Where all good things come to die”: