Education Humor

The Language Assassin: Are You a Victim?

There’s a silent killer among the population.  It’s not heart disease or even cancer, though these certainly can be both silent and deadly.  The killer of which I speak does not discriminate based on health or genetic makeup.  The killer of which I speak transcends socioeconomic and educational boundaries.

The killer of which I speak is the Language Assassin.

The Language Assassin is no respecter of character or esteem.  Right now, countless people are falling victim to it in schools, in the workplace, and most commonly on social media.  Your best friend, perhaps, or even your grandmother could already be infected.  You yourself could very well be its next casualty.  And despite the best efforts of logophiles and grammar teachers worldwide, the Language Assassin appears to be immune to even the most intensive treatments.

How do you know if the Language Assassin has you or your loved ones in its grip, you ask?  Simple.

If you find yourself using “then” when you really mean “than” or “your” when you really mean “you’re,” I’m sorry to say, but you’ve been defiled by this malevolent force.  The good news, however, is that recovery is not only possible, but also at your very fingertips.

If you’re still in school, have ever gone to school, or know someone who works in a school, chances are you have or have had a language teacher just dying to give you the antidote.  In fact, statistics suggest s/he has already both presented you with the cure and begged you endlessly to make use of that magic potion.  You see, sufferers can easily be remedied if they just listen the fuck up and pay attention for one goddamned second.

It’s really that simple.

Finally ready to give rehabilitation a try?  Read on.


then vs than


your vs youre

And that, my friends, is how you beat the Language Assassin.  Have you got it?  Good.  Because you definitely don’t want to wind up in a situation like this: