This past weekend I forced my kids to watch Steven Spielberg’s E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial. This was one of the greatest movies of my generation and there was no way I was going to let them grow up without watching it. The big take-away? Not “E.T. phone home” or “I’ll…be..right…here.” Nope. Two words. Penis breath. Thanks, Steve.
But come on, if we’re being honest, who doesn’t love a good dick joke? Apparently over 20,000 people agree with me.
A weather map posted on the Gulf Coast Storm Center Facebook page on Monday has gone viral thanks to its hot pink, phallic-shaped winter storm warning graphic. The map, which highlighted areas in Texas, Southwest and Southeast Louisiana and Southwest Mississippi under a winter weather advisory, brought commenters out in droves, and hilarity ensued.
There were the size jokes:
“I’m sick and tired of being promised 6-7 inches and only getting 4!!! ”
To which one person responded, “Well it’s probably because your [sic] messing with the wrong weather guy.”
“I figured there would be more than 4 inches. Well this is Almost as disappointing as my ex-husband was.”
“I thought it was supposed to shrink when it was cold.”
“I can’t believe it’s that big as cold as it is..”
And then there were the “storm expected to schwing in overnight” but there is no way we are having sex tonight jokes:
“Tennessee says, ‘Not right now Texas I’m tired'”
“Mississippi needs to play the ‘headache’ card…”
Still other commenters shared their thoughts about the storm’s performance:
“If this storm lasts longer than 4 hours, seek immediate medical attention.”
“Don’t expect this storm to pull out quickly….”
“Looks like the south has risen again after all!”
“As you look at the map, it appears that Central to East Texas, South Arkansas, and Northern parts of Louisiana will get shafted. While Mississippi will get the tip of the storm.”
And what nickname it should be given:
“Is this Winter Storm named Johnson or Richard?”
“I think that they are calling him Dick for short”
One deep-thinking commenter pondered how humankind would be perceived in the future:
“In a few thousand years, some alien historian is going to stumble across this post and read the comments and finally understand, after years of study, exactly how we humans, a clever and able species, managed to let ourselves get caught in another ice age, for we were too busy making dick jokes to flee, and I’m ok with that.”
While another reminded us of what is really important – #JusticeForBradsWife:
“Don’t let this distract you from the fact that cracker barrel fired brad’s wife after years of faithful service. #JusticeForBradsWife”
Because really, what has happened to Brad’s wife?
In all seriousness, however, Winter Storm Inga (sorry, folks, not Richard) has hammered the Southeast and a State of Emergency has been declared in North Carolina, Georgia and Alabama, according to weather.com. It has brought with it snow and icy road conditions and hundreds of flights have been cancelled. In addition, people are urged to stay home, schools have been cancelled and children everywhere are yelling, “Hurray!” while parents are questioning, “When will this nightmare end?”
Clearly Inga does not struggle with size, shrinkage, or performance-related issues. While it hasn’t finished prematurely, we can hope that it doesn’t have the endurance to last much longer.