By Jessica Elliott of jessicaelliottwriter.com

Mental and physical health problems plagued me for years while I played a game of hide and seek with happiness. No matter how much I pushed myself, the more I did, the further behind I felt. 

Nothing was good enough. I jumped from taking more college classes, to doing yoga, to cooking everything from scratch. I analyzed my vitamins and researched my investment options. I planned a bathroom remodel and a larger garden. I was intent on improving my life. 

But I had forgotten how to be happy in the life I was currently living. No matter how much I upgraded or tried to fix everything (and everyone) around me, I wasn’t satisfied. Being happy was at the top of my list. I wanted to live a life I loved, not one that I merely showed up for. So why wasn’t I doing that?

One day I decided enough was enough and I let go. I gave myself the okay to stop stressing over financial security, always adding more to my to-do list, and telling myself that if I did all these things, then I’d be happy.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s great to set goals to better yourself and your living conditions. But after years of going full speed, I felt overwhelmed and unhappy. It was never enough, and it was time to take a temporary break from everything.

I looked around me.

I stopped what I was doing, planning, buying, and watching. In that moment, everything froze. The broken appliance, drafty windows, and handprint-covered refrigerator stood before me. My unwritten book and unfinished degree taunted me, while my bank account and work schedule frustrated me. The whole time I worried over all these things, life passed me by. Accepting everything as it was, in that moment, was the the first step toward happiness. 

I put on rose-colored glasses.

I had a job, beautiful children, and a place to call home. None of it was close to perfect, but those were (at one time) basic life goals of mine, and I accomplished them. It was time to enjoy what was in front of me and stop putting pressure on myself to do more. I had to pretend, if only for a little while, that this was as good as it was going to get and live my days accordingly.

I shortened my to-do list.

Wait a minute, if all these things were wrong with my life, then shouldn’t I be working harder? The thing is, I was working harder. I focused on what was wrong and strove to fix it every single day. Until I hit this plateau. The more I got done, the more there was to do. I wasn’t satisfied or happy, so instead of focusing on what wasn’t done, I lowered my expectations.

I created a crisis list. A few key items that I must do in order for my life to proceed, such as depositing my paycheck, calling about the broken pipe, or washing baby bottles. Next, I listed a few things I’d like to get done, like mopping, or preparing a home-cooked dinner, or laundry. Then I picked one thing from that second list that’d I’d aim to complete. With that, I’d walk away from my list and live my life. I’d focus on doing what I loved – spending time with my family and pets while milling around my gardens.

I enjoyed more moments.

I don’t mean that you have to check off boxes on your bucket list. I already felt overwhelmed, so I didn’t need to add more grand expectations. I did the opposite. I watched a movie with my daughter when I should have been cleaning up after dinner. We ate frozen pizza instead of a home-cooked meal because we played out in the yard until dark. With my goals on hold, I was able to be more present and spend more time participating with people I cared about.

I stopped pursuing happiness.

I realized that having happy moments wasn’t the same as being happy with my life. Spending all year planning parties, vacations, and remodels provided enjoyable times, but nothing lasting. Instead of making another list, shopping for a new appliance, or pinning the next DIY that’d make my home curbside worthy, I started doing less. Instead of analyzing why I wasn’t happy, I focused on living in the present. When happiness stopped being a goal, then I was able to achieve it naturally.

I found myself loving my life. I didn’t dread every Monday and rush to get everything done on Sunday. I told myself that there was nothing more important than being a decent human and pet mom. Keep everyone fed, do something I loved, and enjoy whatever the day brought me. By keeping it simple, I reset my level of happiness. I call it a metabolism boost for life. I let go of my expectations, erased my to-do list before ever starting it, and focused on my family. It created an ongoing sense of joy and gratitude that sticks with me, even on the toughest days.

I’m back to pursuing goals and tackling a new remodeling project, but I know my happiness stems from spending time doing things I love, from me-time to mom-time, and I’m not afraid to lower my expectations if they get in the way.

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About the Author

I am a Freelance Writer and mom to three children, three dogs, and several cats and fish. We live on an acre in the Midwest. I’ve been published in Scary Mommy, Parent Co, and Yellowbrick. I have articles forthcoming in Pregnant Chicken and Jellyfish Review. Connect with me on social and my blog jessicaelliottwriter.com/blog, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest.