By Amy Hunter of The Outnumbered Mother
It seems, at the Miller home, patronizing is the new black.
Sources tell us that Michael Miller, the patron saint of bullshit, recently went out of his way to pack up his sons’ stuff for soccer camp, which they will attend all week. He explained his extensive packing system to his wife using the only contemptuous methods he can find in his skill set.
While most women would find this tactic maddening, hurtful, and fucking annoying, Lucy Miller thinks her husband’s delivery is quite charming and maybe a bit sexy. “Oh, I’m really just a submissive person. Mike’s more of a dominant.”
Bet we can guess whose collected works are waiting on their family library shelf.
“Other wives might not understand Mike’s superior timbre as he repeats, ‘There are two pairs of socks in the front of the backpack and two water bottles for each child, with their names on them, waiting in the freezer.’ But that obnoxious, know-it-all tone gets me super hot,” Lucy sighs.
“Although Lucy stays home with our five children,” states Mike, waving his hand dismissively in the air, “she’s not really good at setting up organizational systems. She needs a man to take control.”
It’s rumored that the Millers are pitching their story to TLC for its fall lineup. It’s safe to say the network is pretty desperate for their next train wreck family’s story to throw their ridiculous spotlight on. We’ll keep you up to date as that shit show unfolds before our eyes.
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About the Author
Amy Hunter grew up in the suburbs of Long Island singing Barbara Streisand hits into her hairbrush. When she’s not writing her hilarity fueled parenting memoir as The Outnumbered Mother, she’s a Florida living, butt wiping, soccer team carting, gourmet chef attempting, tennis skirt wearing, non-tennis playing, self-proclaimed bad mamma jamma to 3 sons and a very understanding husband. You can find Amy’s work as a featured writer for Scary Mommy, Today Parents, The Huffington Post, The Mid, Mamalode, In The Powder Room, and in two anthologies: Scary Mommy’s Guide to Surviving the Holidays and It’s Really 10 Months: Special Delivery which is currently available for preorder.