By Lydia Huxley
If your child is convinced, and I’m sure they are, that the world will end at the hands of a zombie hoard, you’ve likely heard plenty about their plans to fight off the undead creatures and get to safety. But don’t be so sure that your little one has your back come the end of times. There’s more to prepare for than most children realize, and it’s your job as a responsible parent to make them aware of the everyday skills that would be required for survival. Here’s how you can exploit your child’s obsession with the zombie apocalypse and get them to do what you want.
1. Bathing Regularly
Getting a child to take a bath can be more difficult and tiring than a full 10 hour work day. Children and baths are magnets with the same charge. They repel each other. Though, a child might change their negative view of bathing after realizing that zombies have an excellent sense of smell, and they can pick out the smell of a human a mile away. Of course, the only way to prevent this from happening is the bathe regularly. Just in case.
2. Doctor Visits
There are few things that freak kids out more than going to the doctor. That is until they find out that doctors can detect a zombifying virus before it takes effect. It’s also not that outlandish that maybe the doctor has a preventative vaccine that would ensure their immunity to becoming a zombie. It’s really up to you how you want to portray the doctor in the zombie scenario, but it would be very easy to depict him or her as an ally.
3. Staying Active
Being physically fit will be necessary once the zombies attack. Whether you decide to fight them or flee from them, if you aren’t accustomed to frequent physical activity, you won’t stand a chance. This can be used as a great motivator to get your child to put down the video game, turn off the TV, and go play outside. Tag is a great simulation of running from zombies. Baseball provides practice wielding a bat.
4. Keeping Organized
One of the things I had the hardest time with growing up was staying organized. I misplaced things constantly. My homework went missing frequently. My room was a mess. Don’t let your child repeat my mistakes. Without keeping their belongings orderly and their room clean, they might not have everything ready to go when the zombies arrive.
5. Not Getting Lost
Whether you’re taking your child to a large event or letting them ride their bike around the neighborhood, children can be easily distracted and lose track of where they are. The possibility of a zombie invasion might be just the thing to get them to memorize landmarks and know how to find home or a safe place to wait for their parents. Using a map like this one can be a fun way to plan where to meet up in the case of a zombie attack.
And there you have it, parents. The best way to exploit your child’s obsession and get what you want. Period.
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About the Author
Lydia Huxley is a freelance writer and musician from Boise, ID.