Hold onto your hats, ladies and gentlemen, because just when you thought shit couldn’t get weirder, shit has gotten a whole lot weirder. Allow me to introduce you to the Trumpy Bear, a real-life, actual product you can buy because nothing in this world makes sense anymore.

For the low, low price of two payments of $19.95 (plus shipping and handling, as well as your dignity), you can own a bonafide, plush embodiment of the disaster that is the current American hellscape. But wait! That’s not all.

This little piece of vomit-inducing history also comes complete with an American flag blanket (because kneeling for the anthem is unpatriotic, but binge-watching Fox News while wiping Cheeto dust off your fingers onto the national symbol for equality that you’ve wrapped around your fart blaster is not) and a certificate of authenticity confirming you own an original Trumpy Bear.

AN ORIGINAL. You don’t want anyone to mistake your stuffed nightmare for a knock-off.

And if a blanket and certificate aren’t enough to entice you to fork over the hard-earned cash you’re about to lose even more of to the GOP’s proposed tax plan, just look at that hair and murderous side-eye. Owning one of these is the closest you’re going to get to having Trump sitting right there in your living room, goading psychotic world leaders into nuclear war and bullying C-list celebrities on the Twitter.

WHAT’S NOT TO LOVE?

I bet if you threw in an extra Andrew Jackson, they’d even promise to misspell your name on the shipping label and imprint a copy of Trump’s “We will heal” tweet on the certificate. WINNING.

And lest you think this is just an advertisement for one of SNL’s upcoming skits, as I did, rest assured. This is the real deal. A genuine slice of American tomfuckery ripe for the taking.

Because satire is truth and truth is nonsense these days, folks. ‘MURRICA!