Finally! A Car My Vagina Is Proud to Drive

Finally! A Car My Vagina Is Proud to Drive

By MockMom Contributors

Cosmopolitan magazine has designed a car for women with Spanish automaker Seat, and the rave reviews are pouring in! The Seat Mii by Cosmopolitan is for the modern woman who wants to know how to give a dope AF blow job, yet also cares about more serious issues like the right self-tanner.

The Cosmo car only comes in purple with champagne-colored wing mirrors so you know your choices as a woman are limited right from the get-go. How great is that? No more unattractive decision making. We’ve compiled some of our favorite reviews on this fabulous new car here:

Elizabeth A. from Gainesville:

As a lady, there’s nothing more important to me than having a lady car. When I first got my Cosmopolitan Lady car, I thought with my lady brain, “Here it is! A car not only for me, but ALSO my vagina!” Some of my favorite features are the front seat that is also a scale — every morning when I sit in my car, it sighs loudly and says, “Ugh…you’re still way too fat, heifer.”

The 3 choices of male voices to mansplain how to parallel park are a true godsend, too. Personally, I went with “1950s sexually frustrated dad.” My own father was distant and cold…sometimes I just go out and sit in the car, sobbing for my lost childhood, listening to him thoughtfully explain parallel parking while I shame-eat cake. Anyway, he’s like a part of the family now!

Oh! And how awesome is that glass ceiling! Wait, what’s it called? A sunroof? The answer is: It’s super awesome! But I guess what I like most is that in 10 years it turns itself in for a younger model. And guess what, ladies!? It’s super affordable — only 78 cents on the dollar compared to man cars!

Cammie B. from Decatur:

Superfab! Cute lights on the dash tell me stuff no car ever has, like when I need gas or when my period’s due! And a built-in GPS leads you to the nearest shoe sales! I just wish it came in pink. Or hot pink. Or a really light pink. Maybe chiffon.

Kari L. from Austin:

As soon as I saw that Cosmopolitan was making a car for women, I knew I had to have it. If they don’t understand what women want, who does? I appreciate that it only comes in two colors. It’s so difficult for women when we have too many choices. The GPS is super handy, too, because it shouts at me every time I think about making a wrong turn. It’s like I’m driving with my husband. Thankfully this car basically parks itself. Parking has always been difficult for me because I have ovaries. Five stars for the Seat Mii!

The NotsoSuperWoman from Anytown:

I have been thrilled with my Seat Mii! It looks fabulous and totally complements my mascara. Every few weeks it leaks fluid and the GPS will sound kind of bitchy, but once I fill her up with wine and chocolate, she practically purrs! The preloaded apps tell me the best local places for shopping, a massage, or coffee, and where I can go to ask a man how to do anything else. What more could a woman want?

Jennifer O. from Sacramento:

Move over, diamonds: My new best friend is totally my Seat Mii by Cosmopolitan. This car has everything a girl could ever ask for, including a built-in Midol dispenser, vajazzled hood ornaments, and an extra-large trunk to catch the eye of that very special guy.

But the best thing about it is definitely the maintenance. Once or twice a week I let a guy tinker under the hood — no previous mechanical experience necessary — and then we’re good to go! I do have to apply daily sunscreen to keep the paint from peeling and wrinkling, but that’s a small price to pay to keep my Mii looking like the newest model.

Christine S. from Tuckahoe:

I think I’m ready to fall in love again…with a car! Finally, a sweet ride for the forgotten gender, so often cast aside and discarded by men named Brad who don’t even have the decency to face you but instead break up via text. But no more bumpy rides or relationships! Just set the car’s voice system to Ryan Gosling and each day he’ll greet you with a ‘Hey, girl, strap yourself in and let’s cruise.’

It handles like a dream, except for maybe once a month, when it has trouble starting and seems in a bad mood all day. A rear view camera comes standard, so I can detect small animals and the children I’ll probably never have now. I should’ve married Ken in college, but no, I had to have a career.

Plus, there are add-ons that can be tailored to your needs; for instance, a steering wheel that delivers an electric charge when you turn down your ex’s block. And windows that tint automatically to hide your wracking sobs and the smoke from your singed fingertips when you park in front of Brad’s house. But later, when you pull in to your driveway and turn off the motor, Ryan’s soothing voice is there, telling you, ‘Girl, you deserve better than Brad,’ and then the seat squeezes your ass, letting you know you’ve still got it.

Jane K. from Portland:

Fuck this shit.



Elizabeth Argyropoulos (Bourgeois Alien), E. R. Catalano (Zoe vs. the Universe), Kari (My Questionable Life), Melanie Madamba (The Not So Super Mom), and Jennifer Oradat (