By Jill Morgenstern of Do Try This at Home
A decade-long study done by the National Institute of Parenting Science at Cordan University has yielded surprising results: driving a car containing a toddler has proven to be most similar to driving a car full of bats.
The discovery was published recently in Popular Parenting Science. The newly-released research refutes the findings of earlier studies claiming that riding in a car with toddlers most mirrored travel in a car full of screeching monkeys. Scientists previously thought that numerous screeching monkeys would be most similar to toddlers both because of the noise level and the fact that monkeys’ fingers are so dexterous.
“However, this new analysis indicates that either riding in or driving a car containing a toddler is much more like being in a car infested with bats,” stated Janet Jordan, a top scientist at Cordan University.
“As powerful as the previous studies have been, this information has involved a longer time period of information collection, has amassed a larger sample size than previous studies, and has used more in-depth procedures. This combination has produced definitive results.”
Scientists speculate that the similarity to bats arises because the erratic movement of the bats causes the driver a low, yet consistent, level of panic, and the possibility of having something suddenly fly into the driver’s hair mimics the terror and hysteria created by toddlers frustrated by being strapped into their car safety devices.
These results surprised veteran scientists. Yet longtime parent Henry Ethan seems unfazed.
“I’m not surprised that it took scientists so long to figure this out. I’ve had children of my own for quite some time and it can be very difficult to determine which kind of wild animal they are emulating. I’ve often had times when I can’t decide whether my daughter is acting like a grizzly bear or more like a North American Black Bear.”
“Implications of this study will be far reaching,” says Jordan. “We know that it will be difficult to convince parents who have long considered themselves victims of screeching monkeys to consider that their children may be acting like a different mammal altogether. But understanding the difference between the two animals is crucial to surviving while on the road with young children, whether it be the daily commute or an excursion associated with vacation or a day trip.”
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About the Author
Jill Morgenstern is a wife, mother, and teacher. She has four kids ages 27 to three, 13 years of teaching experience, and a Master’s Degree in Teaching Reading, yet reserves the right to be wrong about everything. She writes about food, family, and the ridiculous at Do Try This at Home. You can also find her on Facebook and Twitter.