By John Egan

The Trump campaign was plunged into crisis last night with the revelation that Donald does not think his daughter Ivanka is a 10 any longer.

The GOP front-runner was taking time out of his grueling schedule to return to his first love of rating the attractiveness of women when he made the extraordinary claim.

In an exclusive interview from inside Trump HQ, the billionaire apologized for any misunderstanding of his previous comments about his daughter’s attractiveness: “I don’t want people to get the wrong idea about my feelings toward Ivanka. Just because I said I’d sleep with her doesn’t mean she’s a 10,” Trump told the BSJ. “Believe you me, Ivanka is very close, but she’s just a little too old for my taste.”

His daughter, who was sitting awkwardly next to him, appeared visibly crushed by her father’s comments, so he attempted to backtrack. “Don’t be sad, honey. There’s nothing wrong with sleeping with a few nines every now and then for perspective,” he said. “To tell you the truth, I’ve even been with a few eights after one too many, so you really needn’t worry.”

The comments mark a spectacular fall from grace for the 34-year-old. In the past, her adoring father has insisted Ivanka had “the best body” and once told Rolling Stone, “if I weren’t happily married and, ya know, her father…” seemingly implying he’d marry her at 19 before dumping her 3 years later for her younger sister.

Trump indeed insisted his other daughter Tiffany has some “major work to do” before she’ll be receiving highly inappropriate and deeply uncomfortable “compliments” from her father. In any case, Trump presumes dating two daughters is “probably frowned upon” by his “favorite book”: the Bible.

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About the Author

Hi, I’m the editor of the Burrard Street Journal, a satire site based in Vancouver, often featuring Trump. You can find me on Twitter and Facebook.