By Stacy Stevenson of momlikeaboss
After recently trying out some creative euphemisms around the house to let her husband know she was up for some sexy time, Heidi Schultz, a mom-of-three from Indiana, says she may have overestimated her partner’s ability to pick up on nuance.
“I thought for sure he’d understand my reference to ‘Triple Word Score’ while I was getting dinner ready for the twins,” Schultz said. “But he just looked panicked and thought I said ‘triplets’ and asked if he could eat dinner in the basement!”
Schultz said as a young couple, they had often spent their dates playing Scrabble. She thought the throwback reference to their passionate post-Scrabble make-out sessions would be an obvious indication to him.
“I gave it another try while getting our oldest child settled in for math homework the other night,” Schultz said. “I knew the kids were listening so I discreetly suggested to my husband that I would love to ‘sink his battleship’ later as the game happened to be out on the table.”
The busy mom was again surprised at her husband’s reaction. “He just looked at me and said ‘I thought you hated that game.’”
Nevertheless, Schultz was undeterred and said she had one more carefully crafted euphemism up her sleeve:
“I was saving this one for just the right moment. I was sure he’d totally get this and we’d be in for a post-bathtime-bedtime-retuck-the-twins sexfest!” Schultz explained. But she was thwarted again when her last attempt was met with confusion.
Schultz had carefully orchestrated a laundry basket pick up at just the right moment so her red and white striped panties would peek out of her sweats while her husband was watching.
“And then, I softly suggested a game of Candy Land later so he could ‘taste my Peppermint Forest.’ I threw in a wink for emphasis,” Schultz explained. “This time he just looked confused and said he thought the cat had pushed all the game pieces into the heat vent months ago.”
Being a tenacious woman, Schultz said she wasn’t going to give up but realized she would have to be more direct in her approach. “I raided the craft box and made a quick job of it,” Schultz shared. “I had planned on posing naked with a red arrow pointing to my ‘Peppermint Forest,’ but to my surprise when I went to get into bed, there he was, in nothing but his flannel pajamas, holding the Trivial Pursuit box!”
Schultz said her husband then smiled and said, “You’ve been talking about board games a lot so I thought this might interest you, but by the looks of that arrow, it seems you’d rather play Chutes and Ladders.”
When asked what she would try next, Schultz disclosed she would be spending the next couple days dropping off all their board games at various Goodwill stores.
About the Author
Stacy Stevenson is a hard working boss lady with the best name alliteration this side of Toledo. Stacy lives in Ohio and moonlights as a veritable cornucopia of wit and sarcasm to her mildly tolerant family. She can be found on Twitter @TheRealStacyES, on Medium @stacyelizabethstevenson, or momlikeaboss.com.