Dear Mrs. Dumpty,

My three-year-old son and I were so sorry to read about your son’s fall in The Book of Mother Goose Nursery Rhymes. As a mother, I couldn’t help but follow your story ever since.

I am relieved to hear that your brave Humpty has made a full recovery from this horrific accident. Please see the picture that my Timmy drew for him, enclosed. (As I am sure you can tell, it’s an abstract representation of the solar system with Timmy and Humpty riding on top of the Earth together, wearing helmets.)

Anyway, I have no doubt this has been a difficult time for your family with all those months of hospital visits and various surgeries and therapies coinciding with such a complex legal battle.

My Blake has been a lawyer for over a decade, and he has told me time and time again, you never ever touch accident victims before the Emergency Unit arrives no matter how much they are suffering. All the Kings Men should have known this and their horses obviously shouldn’t have gotten anywhere near Humpty in the first place.

Of course, I realize this is a highly sensitive topic and you probably aren’t even legally allowed to talk about it. I just want you to know that I’m on your side in this court case.

I trust that you have hired a strong legal team, but if you need any advice on the side or any help in this area, or even if you need any casseroles, don’t hesitate to ask – I know that dinners are always difficult to pull together no matter what state your life is in!

Speaking of asking, I wanted to ask you just a few quick questions, and I’m sure, the amazing mom that you are, you will understand why I have to ask them.

First: That rock wall is so beautiful and majestic; it has a real raw power to it, so I can absolutely see why your children are still drawn to it despite what happened, but I was wondering if you could…maybe ask them to stop playing on it? It’s so high, not to mention jagged and narrow. When your kids play on rock walls, my child wants to play on them. These kids! They think everything’s a balance beam, right?

While my Timmy has been taking a gym class and his balance is excellent for his age, not to mention that he has a body type conducive to physical activities like this, I still don’t want him playing on the top of rock walls like the one your Humpty so tragically fell off of. And frankly, I wish this idea had never been put in his head. But no regrets, right?

My other question, and forgive me if this is too forward, but I did notice that your handsome Humpty was wearing such nice pants with suspenders, a tie, and brand new penny loafers when he fell. WHAT A CUTIE! However, I was wondering why you allow your kids to play in their good clothes. Maybe this is some kind of new parenting theory that I’m not aware of yet? Like dress-for-the-boarding-school-you-want or something? Though I try to read up on all the latest methodologies and psychological perspectives on raising responsible, well-adjusted children, it’s possible I might have missed something.

Anyway, we’re trying to teach Timmy to respect his belongings and respect the money we earn in order to buy him nice things. After reading about Humpty and seeing the picture of him all gussied up, Timmy refused to change out of his Sunday Best in order to dig in the dirt at the playground after church last week. His pants got stained and his shirt is ripped beyond repair. I am sure you’re aware what an impact older kids – not to mention famous ones like your Humpty – have on younger, impressionable children.

And finally, I might really be asking for too much information here, but I feel concerned and I’ve always had a bit of a bleeding-heart, so I have to ask: What are your nutritional goals for your kids? I know it’s SO DIFFICULT to get our kids to eat healthy and understand that consuming fruits and vegetables will actually increase their quality of life, including their ability to engage in physical activities safely. I’m starting to work on several committees addressing the childhood obesity problem in this country, so if you’d like any information on that, just let me know – I can send you a bunch of really great websites and contact numbers for groups that provide counseling for this.

Again, I am so sorry about what happened to your poor little Humpty. What you’re going through is every parent’s nightmare. Just trust that these kinds of life events help us to reassess our decisions and make better choices in the future.

Let me repeat what I wrote above: If you need anything, anything at all, please don’t hesitate to ask. We’re moms and we’re in this together.

Best,

Timmy’s Mommy

*****

About the Author

Jocelyn Jane Cox is the mother of a toddler, a figure skating coach, and a nap-time writer with a weird penchant for decorative mushrooms. She is the author of The Homeowner’s Guide to Greatness and blogs about the adventures of parenting and home-ownership at The Home Tome. She can also be found on Twitter and Facebook.