Usually, internet comments are the place to go if you’re in the mood to lose your faith in humanity. But when Baltimore police arrested a man with an unusual loaded handgun, comedy gold ensued via the comments.
Here are our favorites. If they don’t restore your faith in humanity, I hope they at least restore your faith in comedy.
“If it pleases the Peasants, brave Constables wish to inform us they have apprehended a young rapscallion armed with a pepperbox whilst operating his horseless carriage.”
“This is the first gun you have access to in Grand Theft Auto: Gettysburg.”
“The accompanying roll of blaster caps was found dangling off the ear of the stick pony he was riding.”
“This is the new ar75 pistol. Capable of shooting 100 clips in 3 seconds. Dangerous clipmags, 100 shots each. Much bullets. Such kill.”
“Everyone is talking about the gun but were just going to ignore the fact that this man is obviously a time traveler with a time machine?”
“I’m surprised they were able to catch him before he was able to throw a smoke bomb, shroud himself in his cloak and fade into the shadows, leaving behind only the echo of his shrill villainous cackle.”
“Atticus Bindlestiff, 36, was arrested today for possession of the Hipsterest Firearm Ever. Bail set at the value of 4 oz. of Old Amish beard oil. Benefit at Bacon Donut Taco Truck. $2 PBR.”
“This man wasn’t tryna commit a crime, he was just starting a track meet.”
“Where’s the spring that pops this out of your sleeve when you get caught cheating playing cards on a river boat.”
“I shot the sheriff, but since I only had one bullet, I did not shoot the deputy. Lol”
“People joking about this thing are sick. That gun could take down your horse with one shot and put a hole through your cloak after a lengthy reloading process!”
“Y’all worried about Muslims when we got armed Redcoats walking around.”
“Tries to warn the citizens of Baltimore that the British are coming…gets pulled over.”
“Geez people, cut the guy some slack. He’s survived polio, the plague, and the civil war. He needs this gun to begin his new life on the wild frontier.”
“This is the type of gun the founding fathers had in mind when drafting the Second Amendment…On second thought, I believe this is the actual gun they had with them when they were drafting the Second Amendment.”
“When you’re a gangsta AND a Civil War re-enactor, but can only afford one gun.“
Any my personal favorite:
“Did he fire one shot, or zero? Well to tell you the truth in all this excitement I kinda lost track myself… you’ve gotta ask yourself one question: “Do I feel lucky?” Well, do ya, punk?”
It’s fair to say that today, these comments made my day. To see the full thread, check out the post below: