I’m one of those people on your Facebook feed. The one who posts about her awesome workout, checks in at the Y, or lets you know she ran ten miles with the jogging stroller at an 8 minute pace (just kidding, I’ve never done that; that’s fucking impossible). You might see posts from these people and think “shutthefuckup about your […]
Dear Brand New Mama: I Feel Your Joy and See Your Tears
Dear Brand New Mama, I see you crying on your bed while you listen to your baby scream in the next room as Daddy (or Grandma, or Auntie, or your best friend) takes a turn. You’ve been banished by well-meaning family, told to “go take a nap” (because you obviously need one), but the screams […]
9 Things to Do While You Wait to Give Birth
I’m 40 weeks, 5 hours, and 41 minutes pregnant. I’m really pissed off about those last 5 hours and 41 minutes. I needed this baby to arrive on time, if not early, because I’m losing my fucking mind here, people. I’ve been on maternity leave for a week, thinking for sure this kid would at […]
My Pregnant Body is Taking Over Your Newsfeed, and I’m Not Sorry
[nextpage title=”Page 1″ ] So, I’m pregnant. But then you probably knew that, because I’m pretty sure the whole universe knows it, because it’s all I can talk, think, or breathe about right now. I would apologize for this, except I can’t, because I’m too busy being pregnant. Six months pregnant with stretched out belly […]
Why I Won’t Answer the Question “Boy or Girl?”
[nextpage title=”Page 1″ ] It’s the day before Father’s Day, and I’m standing in one of the baby aisles at Target looking for daddy-themed onesies. Our first kiddo is due on December 5th, and I thought it would be cute to prematurely celebrate Dad’s Day. We don’t know the biological sex of our first child […]
7 Early Pregnancy Symptoms No One Tells You About
It’s been a while since I’ve been able to write. That’s because I’ve been a little preoccupied — I moved into a new house and have been buried in boxes, and oh yeah, I’m pregnant. Thirteen weeks, to be exact, and I’m already sporting a belly. This should be interesting. Let’s talk about some of […]
5 Things that are Awesome about Turning 30
It’s my birthday. I’m 30. Shit. I know what you’re thinking. These days, 30 is not a big deal. 30 is young. Plenty of 30-somethings still don’t have kids (though I don’t seem to be friends with many of them). Plenty of 30-somethings still go out and party (though not past about 9:00, because we […]
4 Reasons Why Marriage Is Disgusting and That’s a Good Thing
The other morning around 5 am, I was about to get under the covers after getting up to pee (without shutting the door). As I began to crawl into the comfortably warm bed, my husband let out a long, drawn-out, high-pitched fart. Now maybe the more refined ladies among you would have scolded your spouse […]