The other morning around 5 am, I was about to get under the covers after getting up to pee (without shutting the door). As I began to crawl into the comfortably warm bed, my husband let out a long, drawn-out, high-pitched fart. Now maybe the more refined among you would […]
I’m one of those people on your Facebook feed. The one who posts about her awesome workout, checks in at the Y, or lets you know she ran ten miles with the jogging stroller at an 8 minute pace (just kidding, I’ve never done that; that’s fucking impossible). You might see posts from these people […]
Dear Brand New Mama, I see you crying on your bed while you listen to your baby scream in the next room as Daddy (or Grandma, or Auntie, or your best friend) takes a turn. You’ve been banished by well-meaning family, told to “go take a nap” (because you obviously […]
I’m 40 weeks, 5 hours, and 41 minutes pregnant. I’m really pissed off about those last 5 hours and 41 minutes. I needed this baby to arrive on time, if not early, because I’m losing my fucking mind here, people. I’ve been on maternity leave for a week, thinking for […]
[nextpage title=”Page 1″ ] So, I’m pregnant. But then you probably knew that, because I’m pretty sure the whole universe knows it, because it’s all I can talk, think, or breathe about right now. I would apologize for this, except I can’t, because I’m too busy being pregnant. Six months […]
I’m standing in one of the baby aisles at Target looking for daddy-themed onesies. Our first kiddo is due soon, and I thought it would be cute to prematurely celebrate Dad’s Day. We don’t know the biological sex of our first child yet, and we won’t know our child’s gender […]
It’s been a while since I’ve been able to write. That’s because I’ve been a little preoccupied — I moved into a new house and have been buried in boxes, and oh yeah, I’m pregnant. Thirteen weeks, to be exact, and I’m already sporting a belly. This should be interesting. […]
It’s my birthday. I’m 30. Shit. I know what you’re thinking. These days, 30 is not a big deal. 30 is young. Plenty of 30-somethings still don’t have kids (though I don’t seem to be friends with many of them). Plenty of 30-somethings still go out and party (though not […]