Yep, you heard me right. Jennifer Sinclair, a school principal at the Manchester Elementary School in Nebraska, is making headlines after sending out a memo to her staff prohibiting Christmas-related symbols. What kind of “symbols,” you ask? Well, candy canes for starters because “the shape is a ‘J’ for Jesus.” […]
Like it or not, technology is here to stay, and that means it’s time to update your child’s piggy bank with digital currency. Say hello to Pigzbe: a hand-held piggy-wallet™ from PrimoToys that promises to “give your kids financial superpowers” by teaching them how to manage digital currency through adventure […]
People in the South love sports. You could even go so far as to say they “bleed” team spirit—but never during a bare-knuckle street fight at a peewee football game because that’s just wrong. Right? Though most adults know better than to lose their sh*t over a bad call in […]
Yeah, you heard me right. After nine odd years — and by “odd,” we mean what the hell was she thinking? — Sharon Spink, the mother who defended breastfeeding her five-year-old daughter back in 2014, said she is done nursing, but not because she was ready to quit. According to […]
I feel like a cow: a big, fat, fucking cow on a quarantined dairy farm. This is the heaviest I’ve been in a long time and, aside from starvation, nothing has worked to help me lose weight. Everything is snug; even my fat pants, and to make matters worse, my […]
I thought men were the lazy ones, and then I walked into the ladies room at Walmart. It made me want to throw up, but I couldn’t because the toilet was overflowing with balled up tissue and impurities. Come on, ladies… nobody wants to see that shit—literally! It’s a little-known fact that […]
That’s right, there are drug-resistant, super mutant scalp vampires invading our children’s hair and I, for one, am scared shitless. What we have here is a conundrum. It seems that our parasitic enemies have built up a genetic resistance to over-the-counter medications — the same medicine we’ve been effectively using […]
I know you want me. I can see it in your foamy eyes, staring at me from across the room with your savory little mustache. You want me to lick you, you twisted creature. You want me to drop another five bucks on the shortest-lived thrill ride in America. Well, let […]