I don’t know if it’s because I’m feeling extra run down by this third pregnancy, because 40 is creeping ever-so-close in my near future, or because I’ve completely lost the last shred of cool to my name, but I’ve been saying a lot of really old sounding stuff lately, you guys.

Really old sounding. Really old.

It’s gotten so bad, Mr. Sammich now looks at me with what I can only imagine is embarrassment when these things come out of my mouth.  Sometimes I pretend it’s amusement in those eyes of his, but I’m pretty sure it’s embarrassment.  Embarrassment or a feigned who’s-this-crazy-pregnant-broad-sitting-at-my-table-because-she’s-totally-not-with-me look.  Probably just embarrassment.

In the past 4 months alone (and most noticeably in the last week), I’ve uttered the following:

Why don’t you hurry up and sign your ticket there? —to Mr. Sammich when the waitress brought our bill and credit card back to us

It’s amazing what we can do nowadays to play music.  We used to have to put on records and attach the player to huge speaker systems with loads of wires, and now we can just remotely hook up our doohickeys to that fancy little receptor there and somehow, through the magic air, we get our tunes.  —to my dad when he demonstrated his new iPad/JBL speaker hook-up to me

Don’t you go posting me to any of those nifty social media things you kids use these days.  —to my students when they took pictures with me on the last day of school

Will you please get on your gadget and see if they have any open bowl at the bowling alley today?  —to Mr. Sammich in reference to his smart phone or iPad

I can’t play the movie until somebody finds the gizzy.  —to my kids in reference to the TV/DVD player remote control

If you want to watch a show, you’re gonna have to get on your special little smart box downstairs.  –to my kids in reference to the Apple TV

Pull up your britches before you get too much wind in your crack.  –to my son in reference to his training undies

Heavens to Betsy, they don’t need THAT water! —to my niece and my son when they poured expensive bottled water into Solo cups for the dogs

I didn’t know Connor was your special friend!  –to a student when I discovered she was dating another of my students

I think that’s a bunch of malarkey, and I also think you know it.  –to my son when he complained about the tummy ache which magically only occurs at bed or nap time

I’m just resting my eyelids.  —to my kids when they wondered if I was asleep on the couch

Back in my day, we had to actually read the novel and do the work.  –to my students in reference to their reliance upon SparkNotes

Get your swimming trunks and put them in your suitcase. I’m not going to tell you again.  –to my kids while packing to head out of town

I’m sure there were more, but I’m finding my memory to be a bit fuzzy in my old age.

What actual old people things have you said recently?