Humor Parenting

A Letter To Santa From A One-Year-Old

So, my mom and dad keep talking about you. They tell me you like to say “Ho, Ho, Ho,” which I obediently repeat every time I see your picture. Yet for some reason when I thought I saw you at Target and pointed and said, “Ho, Ho, Ho,” my mom said, “No, no, that’s not Santa; that’s just some man with a beard.” Well, c’mon, talk about confusing!

We went to see you last week. I didn’t mind you so much. You seemed pretty friendly. Then my mom sat me on your lap.

Ummm…yeah, how do I put this? You scared the living daylights out of me! I have never been so terrified in all my 1 and a half years! I mean, seriously, scared the shit out of me! And what did my parents do? They laughed! And took my picture. What the hell, Mom and Dad?

My older brothers tell me that you will sneak into our house at night while I’m sleeping and leave toys under our tree. I have to say, this doesn’t help your scary persona much. I mean, toys are fun and all, but why the sneaking around?

And what’s the deal with the tree anyway? Is this your doing, too? I mean, who puts a tree in the middle of the play area? (Well, Mom and Dad call it a “living room,” but it’s basically a play space.) Why would you put a big tree in the middle of my play area and hang all these things on it that are just the right size for my hands to grab and then keep repeating, “No touch, no touch.” Ha! I just smile and touch anyway, lol!

Then there are all these books about a little baby in a barn my mom keeps reading me. He’s way cuter than you. I think my parents should put a baby in my lap instead of making me sit in your lap. Just saying. Yet every time we see a real baby, my mom says I can’t hold it. Sheesh. I carry around those fake babies at home, so what is the difference?

Oh, yeah, so I guess the point of a letter to Santa is to ask for something for Christmas. Sorry, I get distracted easily. Is that the garbage truck?

Huh? Oh, right. Here is a list of things I would like for Christmas:

  • candy
  • edible crayons
  • candy
  • edible play doh
  • candy
  • my brothers’ Legos…and, um, can you go ahead and make them edible?
  • cake
  • cookies
  • and more candy

Is that the garbage truck again?! Ah, man, it’s just a car. What was I talking about again? Oh yeah, candy! Ooooo, I found a Reese’s Peanut Butter Tree! Open it, please! Open it! Open it! I’m crushing it in my hands, I am so excited to eat this!!! OPEN IT! SOMEONE OPEN IT NOW!!


A candy-loving one-year-old

This post originally appeared on Why Did We Have To Have All These Kids Anyway?



Kelly Arnell is a stay-at-home-mom from Wisconsin. She has a husband who is completely in charge of bath time and three little monsters to cherish and love and to drive her insane! When she is not yelling at her kids to stop licking things, changing poopy diapers or trying to all around keep her kids fed, clothed and alive, she can be found at her at her blog, Why did we have to have all these kids anyway?