By Susan Masciopinto of Mommy Dearest, Inc.
Nothing infuriates me more than a panel of privileged, white men telling me what I can or cannot have. I’ve read numerous articles and studies about how a woman must choose between work and raising a child and how, even when she does, she’ll never be satisfied.
Stop whining, ladies; you are your own worst enemy. If you get your butt in gear and organize your life correctly, you most certainly can have it all. Here are eight steps to becoming the ultimate woman:
Spend less time whining and more time doing.
Instead of moaning about there not being enough hours in the day, grab yourself a double espresso and WHAMMY! There are 24 hours in a day for a reason, and if you have a clear “To Do” list, you can utilize every hour available to you. If you sleep now, you’ll miss your chance. We’ll sleep when we’re dead, amiright?
Give equally to everyone and everything.
Women spend a lot of time complaining about having to choose between thriving in their careers or being good mothers. This always gives me a good chuckle. If you just get up a little extra early and go to bed a little later than you’d like to, you can accomplish it all. When you get home from your fruitful career at 8 p.m., take five minutes to relish in your children’s angelic states while they sleep before you get back to work.
Use your time wisely.
Don’t take that bra off when you get home from work; it will only make you lazy! After the kiddos are down, you get to business in the healthy lunch department. Also, Sunday Funday my ass. This is the most opportune time of the week to get your shit together.
LEAN IN.
The more projects you have at work and at your child’s school, the better you’ll be able to manage your time. If you have a lot on your plate, you will thrive. There is nothing more fulfilling than seeing your hard work come to fruition. So your boss is asking you for something unthinkable in a completely unreasonable amount of time and your inbox is exploding with an email chain from Harlow and Skyler’s moms about how the committee needs blah blah blah. Simply skip lunch. Your thighs have been touching lately, and we all know that’s a sign of not having your shit together.
Don’t neglect the big guy/gal!
Yes, yes, you’ve only slept four hours a night for the past three years, but nobody likes a complainer, and if you want to keep your significant other’s eyes on you, you’d better keep that body slender and save enough energy for passionate love-making every night of the week (except Sunday; Mama’s got lunches to make!). Yes, after your passionate love-making session you will need to excuse yourself to really take advantage of the hours left in the night to pay the bills, return Harlow’s mom’s emails and come up with a brilliant campaign for that multi-billion dollar account you just landed at work. You’ve got this.
Don’t neglect yourself.
There’s nothing more unattractive than a woman who doesn’t take care of herself because she thinks she’s “too busy.” Request a lock on your office door so you can get that landing strip groomed while never having to leave the office. Keeping yourself groomed to enhance your love life while working at the same time? GIIIIRRRLL, you are the epitome of time management.
Balance your damn life.
So you are up for a promotion, but you’ll need to land a huge account in Europe first. Unfortunately, little Betsy has to build an entire Mission out of toothpicks at that time. Dad has poker night and a lot of important meetings himself, so just pack up Betsy, grab the Nanny and head to Spain – The Missions’ birthplace. After you’ve landed that multi-billion dollar deal, Madrid here we come. She’s sure to get into Harvard and once again, you’ve nailed it, Mama!
Keep your social life intact.
Between building Missions, date night and trying to keep up with your exercise regimen, your evenings can get pretty full. Don’t let that hold you back from showing off those amazing culinary skills you’ve been working on for all of these years. Don’t be one of those losers who orders in when people take the time to get a babysitter. Make sure your flowers are fresh, your table setting is magazine-worthy and your guests…I’ll refer to the old expression, “Show me who you walk with and I’ll tell you who you are.” You can squeeze in a coffee with “Linda, The Stay-at-Home Mom” any old day, but to get ahead, make sure that dinner table is full of extremely successful people. You’ll be the talk of the town, and we all know the way to people’s hearts (and vacation homes) is through their stomachs. Show them what you’ve got, woman, because you’ve got everything.
I know it can get overwhelming, but nothing great comes easy. It’s your job as a woman to be successful, raise amazing children, nourish your family, invest properly, avoid wearing active wear outside the gym, have a picturesque home, and emotionally invest in your marriage, your children, and your friendships.
If you really look at the big picture, it’s not that much. So please, for women everywhere, stop complaining because you can have it all…just lean in, ladies…but not too far; you don’t want to look desperate.
*****
About the Author
Susan Masciopinto is one of the founding “Mommies” over at Mommy Dearest Inc. Her most important interests include wine and learning foreign languages through Osmosis. When she isn’t mastering tongues you can find her trying to shed her extra chub at SoulCycle or frolicking around town with her hilarious four year old. You can find Susan on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter.