Before becoming a mom, I never knew that there was a signature “mom look.” Now, I can go to a store and spot a fellow mom even if she doesn’t have kids with her. My momdar game is strong. The momiform, or mom uniform, goes beyond clothing. It’s a hairstyle – ponytail or messy bun, usually with crumbs in it. It’s a look you have in your eyes – defeated, distant, imagining a place that is quiet with no mouths to feed or pelt you with questions. It’s a gait – hunched over with a screaming kid or two under each arm, running for the exit.
What else does a momiform entail? Check out these memes from some of the funniest mommas on the internet to see if you’re rocking the mom look.
1. All aboard the hot mess express!
The moment you acquired a child, you were given a one-way ticket aboard the hot mess express. Everything you thought to be true before having kids grows an appendage and slaps you in the damn face right after giving you a middle finger.
2. We hold these truths to be self evident
You either get the house clean, kids fed, and errands run, or you have time to shower and put on some makeup while your child is napping. Naps only allot for so much time, and you can either check a few things off of your to-do list, or you can make yourself look and feel like an actual human by taking a shower. You cannot do both.
3. The mom look
Maybe she’s born with it, maybe she’s been screaming at the top of her lungs for everyone to be quiet and eat their food after another night of getting a blink’s worth of sleep.
4. You and me, baby, ain’t nothing but mammals
So let’s hiss and eat spit-out bread crusts with our tepid coffee because we’re too tired to make ourselves breakfast.
5. It’s Science
And if you put your ear up to her and listen, you can hear her mumbling that she is “completely over this shit.”
6. Hoodies 4 lyfe
Hoodies, sweatshirts, and pullovers are a momiform staple. They’re a thick enough material that my nipples don’t show through, they’re warm, they can cover my greasy-ass hair, I can pull my legs up and then cinch the drawstrings closed inside my own fortress of solitude, and I can flip people off inconspicuously from inside my pocket.
7. Red Carpet ready
Am I Cardi B? A High Priestess? Beyonce? No one knows. The minute I put on actual jeans it is like I have been transformed into someone not gross. Like blood magic.
8. Somebody make this a thing
Where do I sign up? I need this, please.
9. *Mouths “I will kill you”*
Why cover up your exhaustion when you can weaponize it and strike fear in the hearts of men?
10. Is that me or the dumpster sludge?
Bye, kids, Mommy is going to sit in her own stench, eat a cold burrito, and try to figure out where it all went wrong. Have a great day!
11. The mom-do
Up-dos are a must for moms because we need our hair out of our faces while we’re screaming and wrestling babies during diaper changes.
12. The webs we weave
Our kids will always look 5 times better than we do, and half the shit we tell them is not acceptable are things we do daily. Like literally rolling out of bed and being all, “Fuck it, let’s do this day!”
13. There’s not enough highlighter in the world
*Covers self in highlighter* Do I look 10 years younger and childless yet?
14. You have to take all of me
I have stretchy pants for every occasion and if you want to see me in my sexy ones, you need to lube me up first with some coffee, a massage, and 3 hours of kid-free time.
15. The original trolls
I either look like I’ll bake you a pie and call you “Sugar” or like I’ll eat your innards after beating you in the face with a club.
16. In active wear = inactive wear
Motherhood is a contact sport.
17. For the love of God, let me sleep!
My cup runneth over with exhaustion and sighs.
18. Utter defeat
If you don’t look like Britney circa her infamous 2007 nervous breakdown, you didn’t mom hard enough.
19. Is this still hip?
It’s like no one in this club appreciates my leopard-print velour tracksuit, puka shells, and Ugg boots.
20. The original Staind
“How do I feel? I’ve been here before. I’ve felt this. Retreat to a place, a place within. I need this. Keep it all down, bottled inside, it breaks me to torment again and torture me like it used to.” Same, Aaron Lewis, so much same *rage drinks wine*.
21. Underboob Sweat Flavor
Mmmm, what’s that flavor!? Titty sweat after a hard day of momming? That’s scrumdiddlyumptious!
22. Is this how you person?
There’s no amount of Spanx in the world that can conceal these dark circles and under-eye bags.
23. Would subscribe
I’d tune in all day for this tutorial!
24. Sorry, not sorry
Emphasis on survival mode. You get what you get.
25. Riddle me this
Once you go lycra, you never go back. That didn’t rhyme, fight me.
I’m really going to miss her. Not really. Where my fellow shameless legging-wearers at?
If you found yourself saying, “So much same” to these hilarious memes, why not spread the love to your other lycra-loving, exhausted, and messy-bunned mommas to brighten their day?