Sex after kids isn't necessarily bad. It's just different, quicker, and more rare. And you probably get back into your comfy pants and flip on Netflix right after.
Humor Parenting Sex and Relationships SPM/MM Tweets

20 Hysterical Tweets About Married Sex After Kids


Marriage with kids is super sexy, right? I mean, my kid threw up on me three times the other night while my husband slept on Star Wars sheets in another child’s bed. We do “date night” on occasion when we can wrangle a babysitter and I have the energy to shower and put on real pants. But more often that not, we fall asleep at night, mid-beer, watching the Food Network and talking about what color we’d like to paint the kitchen.

Romance isn’t totally lost on married people, however. For one, they keep having babies, so you know there’s something going on once in a while. But yeah, there are lots of interruptions, some bargaining via household chores, and you might keep your socks on the whole time. And you definitely need to lower your standards—like waaaaaay down. As in, you better get used to hearing the baby shark song playing in the other room in order to get the job done. Sexy AF, amiright?

So here are hilarious tweets from other married people just like you who are trying to keep the flame burning, but who are also really, really fucking tired.

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But you know what? There’s comfort in married sex. You can wear the same pajamas five nights in a row, fall asleep covered in Dorito crumbs, and have cat litter morning breath, and your SO may still say, “Sure” if you throw your bedroom eyes their way. It’s a whole new level of sexy, and for those of us who are several kids in and rounding the 20-year mark, these post-baby, beer-drinking, slow metabolism, exhausted bodies are the sexiest ones we’ve ever had.

So get your romance on tonight. Maybe do the dishes or take out the trash for your spouse, or put the kids to bed early to make some extra time for each other. Or maybe not because you wiped a small butt eleventy times today, stepped on a Lego, and need to figure out when you can get your brake light fixed. There’s always tomorrow, right?

Either way, you’re in it to win it, whether you pull an all-night sex-fest or pencil in a quickie for next Wednesday. That’s love, folks. And marriage.