By Joanna McClanahan of Ramblin’ Mama
People will try to tell you that pregnancy is the most magical thing you’ll ever experience. Sure, you’re growing a tiny human and that’s pretty awesome. But it’s a magical time where your body surprises you in a variety of disgusting ways.
For most of us, pregnancy is being able to smell everything within a half-mile radius and be nauseated by it. It’s having constant heartburn and peeing every 15 minutes. Pregnancy means developing stretchmarks and multiple chins.
Your pregnant self will emanate sounds and smells you never thought possible. And you’ll laugh, cry, scream, and then cry some more about all of this, because your hormones are basically on steroids the entire time.
If you want some hilariously honest truths about the “magic” of pregnancy, look no further than the funny parents of Twitter:
Sometimes I feel bad for my kids that I’m pregnant & exhausted, but then I see their eyes light up as I set out chips & salsa for breakfast.
— Ash (@cray_at_home_ma) August 29, 2016
Yelp review for pregnancy:
Took way too long
Super uncomfortable & crowded
Aesthetically just very bad
— Sweatpants Cher (@House_Feminist) April 8, 2017
5 Stages of Pregnancy:
3: Crying because you peed
4: Peeing because you’re crying
5: The toilet is your home now
— Sufficent Charm (@SufficientCharm) April 24, 2017
The four most expensive things my wife ever said:
1) I’m pregnant.
2) I’m pregnant.
3) I’m pregnant.
4) I’m pregnant.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) April 25, 2017
38 weeks pregnant. Counting down to when I can have a big ol glass of wine again, er I mean, meet my baby.
— Why all these kids? (@whyallthesekids) September 12, 2016
I’m craving oysters. I don’t like oysters. Mad that I can’t get them. Mad that I won’t like them. That is pregnancy … and it’s stupid.
— Sara Green (@mother_FLUFF) July 22, 2016
I’m sorry for what I said, at 7 months preggo, when you walked in with chocolate ice cream instead of choc. chunk marshmallow cookie dough.
— Sweet n’ Sour Mom (@SweetnSourMom) March 6, 2017
And then there’s the “magic” that other people feel about pregnancy:
4-yr-old saw picture of me pregnant.
I explain that she was inside me. She thought for a bit then said:
“I never want to do that again.”
— Zoe vs. the Universe (@zoevsuniverse) July 21, 2014
I bet what sucks most about pregnancy is missing out on life’s little joys, like a glass of wine, some sushi, or cleaning out a litter box
— Pete Lynch (@PJTLynch) November 3, 2013
My sister had a baby today. I think I’ve used that as an excuse to get out of more stuff this week than she has.
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) May 25, 2016
I know it’s rude to ask someone about their pregnancy if you’re unsure, but my hubby looks about 4 months along & the suspense is killing me
— Marlebean (@Marlebean) August 15, 2013
When the 2nd-grade class did a skit about seahorses, no boys would participate because the male seahorse gets pregnant. Smart little wimps.
— Housewife of Hell (@HousewifeOfHell) February 18, 2016
And, of course, the “magic” that follows pregnancy:
You wanna know the ONLY thing harder than having an unmedicated childbirth?…
Alllll the parenting that comes after.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) March 4, 2017
Pregnant Friend: Did you try the “cry it out” method?
Me: Every day. I cried in the shower, the car, while cooking dinner, doing laundry
— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) February 28, 2017
Sitting in a waiting room with my children & two pregnant women & I’m fairly certain any excitement they were feeling has changed to panic.
— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) July 21, 2014
Sometimes it’s hard to tell if the baby’s kicking or if it’s gas, but it’s easier to figure out when you’re not pregnant.
— Amy Flory (@FunnyIsFamily) January 18, 2016
Thinking of getting pregnant? Let me rent you my kids for a few hours. It will be a ‘win-win’ for both of us. Trust me.
— It’sReally10Months (@really10months) July 9, 2015
My son cuddled up to my bump and was talking about how he could see the baby and it would have been cute if I were pregnant.
— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) October 26, 2016
So. Much. Magic.