There are just some things about parenting that no existing English words can quite capture, which is why we’ve come up with 16 new words you simply can’t live without. Check them out, and have fun using your new vocab. The kids are gonna think you’re so hip.

I started to panic when I told my kids they had to clear their plates because there are starving kids in Africa – my mother’s voice came out of my mouth. Classic case of momophobia.

I got a text from Krystyn’s mom telling me that the other moms don’t like my contributions to the after soccer snack. I’ve been snacklisted. It’s kind of a relief, really.

Krystyn’s mom snackstabbed me! First she snacklisted me, then she had the nerve to steal my idea for gluten-free, sugar-free muffins with carob frosting, decorated with raisin and sunflower seed flowers. She will rot in hell for this. 

We all know who this is.

Mommy, I ate Krystyn’s muffins for snack. I don’t feel good.

This makes my day so much better.

We all know who this is, too.

I don’t believe in vaccination; I’m going to tell the school system I have vaccipation for religious reasons.

I hate being a schlepherd. Especially because Jacob usually sharts on me when I carry him.

Only 1 Xanax left. Spring break is next week and the kids will be home ALL DAY EVERY DAY! I’m starting to xanic.

If you don’t start behaving at daycare, I am hiring a tyrananny!

I’m spankrupt. Time to contact a tyrananny.

My mother was so yelloquent. The whole neighborhood could hear her tell me to stop wiping my nasal emissions on the tapestry.

Roger, your ability to have multiple snorgasms is ruining me. This has to stop.

Stop being such a shartyr, Ken. We all know it was Julie.

I had to take Jack across town yesterday. Bless his heart, his pissipline was admirable.

What do you think? Can you come up with more new words? Maybe we need to start a New Unabridged Parent’s Dictionary!