By Karen Johnson of The 21st Century SAHM
Does anyone else struggle with teaching the V-word to your kids? You know, the vajajay? Hoohoo? Ladybits?
Parenting 101 says to use correct terminology for private parts. And penis is a no-brainer. It is easy to say in casual conversation and is socially acceptable. When a parent shouts, “Don’t touch your penis!” to a three-year-old at the park it’s adorable. And everyone has a chuckle. Yet, “Get your finger out of your vagina!” doesn’t get quite the same reaction. Parents will look at you in horror. What is wrong with your daughter? Why is she a freak?
Why are we such hypocrites to our little girls? Because I am, for sure, one of the horrified parents at the park who thinks crotch-grabbing girl really is a freak.
I can vividly recall the first time the word vagina was introduced to my kids. I was 0% ready. My three-year-old son was in the bath with his baby sister. He had not paid much attention to her anatomy (or really any other part of her) as babies are boring to most three-year-old boys. But one day in the bath, he asked very pointedly, “Where’s her penis?”
Crap! I thought I had more time! She was only nine months old. I had assumed (foolishly) that she would be the first to force my teaching of this awkwardness. But no, it was Captain All-of-a-Sudden-Curious who did.
“She doesn’t have a penis. She’s a girl.”
Okay, that will do it.
Nope.
“Where did her penis go?”
“She never had a penis. She is a girl. Only boys have penises.”
Good? Done?
Nope.
“How does she go pee?”
Okay, I guess it’s time.
“Boys have penises. Girls have va….. ginas.” I spit the word out with slightly more than a whisper. (Hey! Kid from Kindergarten Cop! I could so use your help right now.)
Whisper, my son did not. “THEY HAVE WHAT??!!”
“Vaginas.”
The next 3 hours (not kidding) were spent in detailed vagina-analysis. Why do they have them? What do they look like? Can I see hers? (NO!) Do all girls have vaginas? Does Mommy have a vagina? Does Grandma? Does my friend Allison? Does Dora the Explorer have a vagina?…
Fast-forward a few years. That baby girl is now 4 1/2 and has asked questions about her own body. For fairness, we have established the same private-part ground rules for both kids. Nobody touches your private parts. You don’t touch anyone else’s private parts. You are only allowed to touch your own private parts when you are alone. (Not at school, at a friend’s house, or at the zoo, for example.) So, yes, because little crotch-grabbing girl isn’t allowed in most social circles, this means the six-year-old can’t play with his balls while watching baseball on the couch (even if Daddy does it). Fair is fair, kids.
We do, however, now have another two-year-old little boy who is quite fond of his southern appendage. And yeah, it is still adorable and completely socially acceptable. Damn double standards.
This post was originally published on The 21st Century SAHM