Parenthood as an introvert can be hard because children learn from and thrive on the very thing we detest – social interaction. And putting on pants. But, because we love our adorable little shrieklings, we suck it up and do the small talk and haul them around to obnoxious petri dishes venues like Chuck E. Cheese and crowded playgrounds where we assume the introvert’s pose: crossed arms and legs and a vacant stare.
It’s all for naught, because even though you’re sending out the universal signal for “Don’t talk to me” by scrolling through Facebook, a well-meaning parent comes at you with the typical, “Which one’s yours? How old? Do you live around here? Can I wear your skin?” or your kid will trot up to you with their new BFF based on the grounds that they’re the same age and like the same character.
Thankfully, there are Twitter parents who know the introvert’s struggle. Scroll through these hilarious tweets and stave off another boring-as-shit convo with Linda over there in the adult Crocs.
Consider these your get-out-of-schmoozing-free ticket. You’re welcome.
Dear friendly lady at the splash park: I'm an introvert. That is why my face is buried in my phone. No talky.
— It'sReally10Months (@really10months) July 9, 2015
My signature move is RSVPing yes to something and then instantly regretting it.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) September 29, 2017
I actually have a pretty decent amount of friends for someone who prefers food to human interaction.
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) June 8, 2014
*Slows my pace on the way to school pickup so I don't have to catch up with you and say hi.*
— SpacedMom (@copymama) April 18, 2017
"Why doesn't my son play with the other kids?" I ask myself as I stand alone, warily watching the other parents at the park from a distance.
— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) May 16, 2016
"Go make some new friends," I tell my kids, as I scroll through my phone at the park.
— Ramblin Mama (@ramblinma) July 9, 2017
Arranging playdates for my 6yo hits me right in the introvert.
— Zoe vs. the Universe (@zoevsuniverse) April 6, 2017
Last week, I made plans to go out tonight with some mom-friends. Today, everyone cancelled.
Sometimes you find people that just get you.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) August 16, 2016
Sitting with two other women outside our kids' class, all staring at our phones ignoring each other. Best hour of my week.
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) February 4, 2014
The best part of any outing with a child is when they run directly to the exit at the end so you don't have to make any small talk.
— Lauren Mullen (@DraggingFeeties) October 4, 2017
[Me after 10 minutes at the playground]
Omg, we've been here for like a million years.
— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) May 20, 2017
Don’t look up now, but another parent is making their way over to you. It’s time to pull “Plan B” out of your purse.