By now you’ve probably heard of OnlyFans, the content subscription website where “fans” can pay to access exclusive content. Although this sounds similar to other platforms such as Patreon, OnlyFans is very popular in the porn/sex industries, so having an OnlyFans account has become somewhat synonymous with selling your nudes online.
While content creators will shower their fans with naked pics and videos of them doing whatever it is that hot people do, the rest of us have a bit more limited options. Which has led to a hilarious joke format on Twitter as regular Janes and Joes share what their OnlyFans would be full of, and not to give too many spoilers but it probably won’t be getting you off anytime soon.
So buckle up and get ready to see yourself reflected in these very tragic OnlyFans concepts, and feel better about the fact that we’re all struggling out here.
12 Hilarious Tweets About Very Unsexy OnlyFans Concepts
1. Oooh yeah baby, tell me what you’re wearing.
My Only Fans is just my dogs watching me eat sour cream and onion chips in my threadbare sweatpants.
— The Mommy Memeoirs (@mommymemeoirs) September 23, 2020
2. I call it “The Canna-Mom Special”.
My onlyfans is just me in a hoodie taking bong hits.
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) September 22, 2020
3. Look how limber I am!
My onlyfans is just streaming video of me trying to get out of this damn hammock
— Uncle Jeff (@PickleRudd) June 8, 2020
4. It’s a new genre of confusing ASMR.
My onlyfans account is just me reading Shakespeare quotes in my heavy Southern accent.
— B. (@anerdonfire2) September 10, 2020
5. Like to watch me struggle?
My onlyfans is just audio of me trying to pronounce words like statistics
— Trey (@treydayway) May 8, 2020
6. *Cut to everyone’s salivary glands getting extra moist*
My onlyfans is just shots of Doritos.
— your other turkey mom (@difficultpatty) April 15, 2020
7. If this sounds sexy to you, please report to the nearest therapist’s office.
My Onlyfans is just me refusing to use the AC and talking into the fans so my voice sounds like Darth Vader.
— Stone (@StoneAgeRadio13) February 4, 2020
8. I just love relatable content.
My onlyfans page is just pics and video of me crying and eating nachos while standing over a sink.
— Geoff Fial (@TheAngryMailGuy) February 18, 2020
9. *Drools with lusting hunger*
My OnlyFans is just pictures of devil egg platters I’ve eaten.
— Possum Kingdom 🖤 (@aissalanis) November 30, 2019
10. Freak on the outside, conservative little Amish granny on the inside.
My OnlyFans is just me struggling to keep my cleavage out of the camera frame in video business meetings.
— Belle Is A Mom (@BelleIsAMom) November 7, 2020
11. Aw, now we’re all crying.
My onlyfans is just me having you listen to the noise my car is making followed by me googling the worst possible reasons for the noise and then me crying because I can’t possibly afford to fix it
— 𝔹𝕝𝕦𝕖 Ⓜ️𝕠𝕠𝕟 (@bluestmoon_) November 4, 2020
12. SOMEBODY CALL THE POLICE.
My OnlyFans is just me clearing my throat until you start plotting my murder.
— Just Matt (@mchiesa5) November 10, 2020
Hey, these concepts might not be sexy, but honestly it sounds like just the type of relatability and representation we could really use in this difficult times.
I genuinely don’t want to see your lithe never-been-pregnant body grinding on a white sofa. What the people need is to see their idols crying on the floor eating entire cheese bricks so we can feel like we’re looking into a mirror of the soul.