By Kristine Laco of Mum Revised
It is a new world, and President Trump has capitalized big time. Can you imagine what would happen if any other president had paid off a porn star just before their election?
We have evolved to a point where no one cares what President Trump is doing, as long as he is not pushing the button. For the President’s consideration, here is a list of twelve crimes that he could commit and no one would care:
1. Streaking around Washington wearing a Barack Obama mask.
2. When meeting world leaders, extending his hand for his patented “I don’t know how to shake hands” handshake and leaning in to suck their knuckles.
3. Trying to build a personal nuclear bomb in the White House basement using discarded McDonald’s fries packaging, little ketchup packets (for that bloody mess feel), and white glue.
4. Inhaling.
5. Stealing from the cups of homeless people “for tax purposes,” but instead, adding it to his hush money jar.
6. Calling Hillary voters and asking if their server is running.
7. Stealing all the Large and XL gloves from area Walmarts so that the size small gloves become larges.
8. Falsifying his birth certificate by dictating to the Vital Records department that his actual birth year is 1968.
9. Since their discontinuation in 2007, having a storage unit full of Trump Steaks and sending the rotting meat to Hillary Rotten Clinton, leaving it on her doorstep.
10. Stealing the secret recipe for the 11 herbs and spices.
11. Leaving his mark by peeing all around Mar-a-Lago, screaming, “It’s all mine, bitches.”
12. Shaving stray cats to perfect his hair flip.
Have fun, Donald.
*****
Kristine Laco shares her stories at MumRevised.com with a splash of sarcasm and a pinch of bitch. She is a mother of two kids aged 16 and 14 and a fur-baby. Her middle finger is her favorite. She is currently undergoing a midlife crisis and filming the whole experience for a laugh. You can find more from her on Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube.