By Sarah Pierce of Midwest Mummy

I’ll just come right out and say it: birth plans are stupid. You can pretend that you’re in charge, or you can understand that at a certain point, your body takes over, and whatever you’re planning no longer matters.

Here’s what my plan was: get my daughter out as quickly and safely as possible. I figured I’d give natural birth a shot for as long as I could and just see what happened. That was literally the extent of my plan, and I’m so glad I didn’t set myself up for disappointment if my birth didn’t go as I anticipated, because the majority of the time, it won’t.

I did attempt to make a playlist, and I packed my favorite flavor Gatorade with all my other hospital necessities…but having to bend on even those minor plans (which were a result of the birthing class I took) made me realize just how ridiculous birth plans are.

Here’s a brief overview of all the things that I wasn’t expecting to happen that actually did:

1. I didn’t plan for my water to break at home at 4 a.m. nearly five weeks before my due date. What I did plan that day was to go to work and enjoy a free non-caffeinated fancy drink at the coffee shop on my break with a friend.

2. I didn’t think I’d actually use the ridiculous overnight pads my aunt gave me for my baby shower while on the phone with the nurses and driving to the hospital. When I received them, I was slightly embarrassed—I’m still so thankful that I had them in the back of my bathroom cabinet.

3. When I got to the hospital, I didn’t plan for the test to check if my water broke to actually be positive, but there I was 35 weeks along with two lines telling me that I was, indeed, in labor. In fact, my husband was so convinced I couldn’t be in labor that we didn’t even bring our hospital bags.

4. I didn’t dream I’d ever have a conversation with multiple people about what would happen if our daughter came out not breathing, or with other medical problems, since she was a preemie. I also didn’t expect to be so calm and strong during these conversations, but I was.

5. Watching a NCIS marathon while laboring wasn’t what I had envisioned, but it’s what I did. I forgot my iPod with a half-complete push playlist at home, and watching a show I love was both comforting and calming (yes, even with all its graphic content).

6. I didn’t expect to request an epidural 16 hours into my labor, mostly because my body could no longer handle the exhaustion of running on just a few hours of terrible third trimester sleep.

7. I didn’t plan to get stuck with that epidural needle three times while the not-so-lovely anesthesiologist treated me like a pincushion. You guessed it—that’s exactly what happened.

8. I truly didn’t plan on having one spot on my stomach hurt so bad I felt like dying because for whatever reason the epidural wasn’t working there, and I felt like all the pain in my entire body was compounding in that one spot. Wrapped in this unplanned event, you can also file an anesthesiologist who didn’t believe me and treated me like I was crazy, though I somehow doubt HE ever went through labor pains.

9. I didn’t expect to literally bite my husband’s hand while pushing a tiny (though not so tiny for a “35-weeker”) human from my body while loudly whispering “I THINK I NEED A C-SECTION” at him between pushes.

10. And it wasn’t in my plan that I would no longer have my glasses on after giving birth, leading to a complete meltdown and everyone present in my delivery room to run around looking for them as I cried, “I can’t see my baby!”

That is just a list of things I remember not planning for during my 20-hour labor. Basically nothing that I spent 30 plus weeks thinking, dreaming, or worrying about actually happened.

In the days following her birth, I also didn’t plan to spend 4 more days at the hospital because she had jaundice, pull my back muscles putting her car seat in my SUV so badly that I’d need pain medication, eventually supplement with formula because I wasn’t producing enough breast milk and she wouldn’t latch, or go all around town looking for a preemie dress for my daughter’s first Easter (and eventually settle on a newborn shirt that would have to do). My daughter is now 2 1/2, and I could write a list a mile long about all of the things about parenting I didn’t expect.

At a certain point in your pregnancy or labor, it’s important to realize you’re no longer running the show. It’ll set the stage for a lifetime of the unexpected that your little bundle of joy will bring—trust me, you’re going to encounter events you didn’t plan for almost daily. The sooner you realize that other, bigger things are now running your life, the better off you’re going to be.

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About Sarah Pierce

Sarah Pierce is a midwest mom with one crazy toddler, an awesome husband, and a ridiculous chocolate lab, surviving on caffeine, love, and as little sleep as humanly possible. She’s new to the blogging world with a previous contribution on Scary Mommy, and a full time job. Follow Sarah on Twitter (@TriSarahTops04) or her blog Midwest Mummy.